In the latest episode of the show “Zilonis studijā” (Elephant in the Studio), childhood traumas were discussed, and one of the guests was retreat organizer and former owner of “Nurmuiža” Kristīne Jelinska, who does not hide — her childhood was quite traumatic: her parents divorced, and her father committed suicide.
“I have always felt that this is trauma,” recalls Kristīne about her parents' divorce in childhood. Now she believes it was an experience that made her the person she is today, writes tv3.lv.
“Am I doing everything right in parenting? I don’t know,” says the woman, who is now a mother of two children herself.
She shares that after her parents' divorce, she stayed to live with her mother. “We lived modestly. There was really a question of whether there would be enough for food, enough for bills, enough money for my birthday.
On weekends, I went to my father. One Friday evening, I arrived at his place, but the door was sealed. At the police station, I was informed that my father had committed such an act.
Now, at this age, it seems to me — how can you tell such a small child this and just let them go — go.
Without money, without a transport card, without a phone, I stood outside. I still remember that feeling,” Kristīne recalls the day she learned about her father's suicide.
“I don’t like talking about it, but I have held onto resentment for a long time. If life is so bad, didn’t I deserve to fight? Because I can’t imagine what I would have done to myself, since I have children. I have to be strong, I have to feed them, raise them, and dad chose another path,” Kristīne shares her thoughts.
The experiences she endured in childhood made her a more responsible mother.
“I fought until the last moment for my children to have both parents. My husband and I tried for a long time to save our relationship so that there wouldn’t be a ‘Sunday dad.’ I couldn’t save that.
Now I try to care too much about them. To control everything too much, to be too protective. There are always these safety nets — mom will decide everything, do everything. Now I face the fact that the children are not independent.
Everything falls from the sky, they are not motivated to do anything at all. This excessive love, in my opinion, also breaks our children,” Jelinska candidly discusses the irony of life and her experience.
“I have a desire to be needed by someone, because in childhood I was alone.”
Now she is actively working on reducing control over her children and allowing them to make their own mistakes and not always be winners.
Like many people with traumatic experiences, Kristīne does not hide that she heals emotional wounds through work.
“I work a lot, I have worked all my life, and I always do what I like and what is mine. I create something, and I enjoy creating and then seeing how well I did,” Kristīne says with a smile.
Another way to maintain her emotional state is through sports, which helps her unwind and gives positive emotions. Kristīne also does not hide that she has taken antidepressants to cope with stress.
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