He wants it more often, you less: how not to turn the bed into a battlefield 0 22

But don’t panic: it’s normal, and with the right approach, the bed will remain a place of love, not conflict. We’ve gathered tips to help you find balance. The key is communication, empathy, and compromise.

Why is there a difference?

First, understand the reasons. Men often have a higher libido due to testosterone, but stress, hormones, fatigue, or medication can lower your desire. He may want sex for release, while you want it for emotional closeness. Don’t take it personally. Studies show that 70% of couples experience this asymmetry, but it can be overcome with conversation.

Start with an open conversation

Don’t wait until resentment builds up. Choose a calm moment — not in bed! — and say: “I love you, but my desire is lower right now. Let’s discuss it.” Speak from the first person: “I feel tired,” not “You are insisting too much.” Ask him: “What does sex mean to you?” This will help you understand each other. Sexologists advise avoiding accusations to prevent defensiveness.

"A difference in libido doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. It’s important to explore alternative ways of intimacy to relieve the pressure of the act of sex itself," writes Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, a sexologist.

Find a compromise: quality over quantity

You don’t have to agree to sex every time. Try alternatives: massages, hugs, kisses, or a shower together. This will satisfy his need for closeness without tiring you out. Plan intimacy: mark “evening for us” in your calendar — this reduces pressure and adds anticipation.

"Different libidos are not a sign of lack of love. Desire is not static: it responds to novelty, mystery, and autonomy. When a partner with low desire feels pressure, it decreases even more. Shifting from obligation to play reignites passion," believes Esther Perel, a psychotherapist and author of the book "Mating in Captivity."

Strengthen the emotional connection

Passion fades without romance. Spend time together: go for walks, watch movies, compliment each other. Sexologists recommend the "admiration rule": every day, tell him what you like about him. Reduce stress: exercise, meditation, or hobbies will boost your libido. If the issue is health-related, check your hormones — sometimes vitamins or therapy solve everything.

When to consult a specialist?

If conversations don’t help and arguments increase, consider seeing a sexologist or psychologist. They can help identify underlying issues — from depression to past traumas. Don’t hesitate: it’s an investment in your relationship. Remember, heightened libido in him or low in you is not a pathology, but if it harms, help is needed.

A difference in desires is not the end, but a chance to become closer. With empathy and effort, the bed can become a paradise again. You deserve harmony, and so does your partner!