In the modern world, sex is not a taboo but a part of a healthy life. Yet, many of us blush when the conversation turns to desires, fantasies, or even simple preferences. Awkwardness often arises from the fear of judgment, stereotypes, or lack of practice.
"The roots often go back to childhood and upbringing: many of us grew up in families where sex was a taboo, or in an environment where 'decent girls' do not discuss such things. Add to this media stereotypes — perfect bodies, perfect orgasms without effort — and you get a cocktail of shame, fear of disappointing a partner, and the feeling of 'I must be abnormal.' But over the years of working, I have seen how awkwardness and silence destroy even the strongest relationships," says sexologist Olga Tarasova.
On the contrary, open conversations strengthen relationships, increase pleasure, and help better understand oneself. Where to start?
Prepare the Ground in Advance
Don’t start a conversation about sex in the middle of dinner or in a hurry. Choose a calm moment when you are both relaxed — for example, after a cozy evening with wine or during a walk. Start with a compliment: "I really like how you kiss me; how about we talk about what else turns us on?" This sets a positive tone and shows that you appreciate your partner. If awkwardness creeps in, acknowledge it: "I’m a bit shy, but I want to be honest." Such vulnerability brings you closer and eases the tension. Remember that sex is a team game, and discussing the rules makes it better.
Use the Right Language
Words have power, so avoid medical terms or slang that may seem rude. Describe sensations: "I love it when you gently stroke my back — it’s so exciting." Focus on the positive: instead of saying, "I don’t like this," try, "Let’s try it this way — I think it will be great." This approach makes the conversation playful rather than critical. And don’t forget about humor — a light joke can lighten the atmosphere.
"I recommend the 'three wishes' technique: each takes turns naming three things they like about your intimacy, three they would like to try, and one that is not very comfortable. This structures the conversation and makes it safe," says Olga.
Listen Actively
An open conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. When your partner shares, don’t interrupt; nod, ask them to elaborate, or note: "I appreciate that you’re opening up." This shows respect and trust. If the topic is sensitive — for example, past experiences or dissatisfaction — be empathetic.
"For those just starting out, I recommend the 'sensory focus' exercise from Masters and Johnson's sex therapy. You take turns pleasuring each other without the goal of orgasm, and then discuss the sensations. This teaches you to talk about the body without pressure for results and alleviates the fear of 'not satisfying,'" suggests the sexologist.
Consider Context and Boundaries
Not everyone is ready for openness right away, so read body signals — if your partner looks away or changes the subject, postpone the conversation. Set rules: "Let’s agree that everything said stays between us." Keep a journal: write down thoughts about desires; this will help clarify and reduce awkwardness in real conversations. Remember that sex is not just physics but also emotions, so discuss feelings as well.
Practice Regularly
Like any skill, the ability to talk about sex comes with experience. Start small — discuss an article or an erotic film with your partner. Listen to podcasts about sexuality — they will provide ideas and confidence. If the awkwardness is strong, consult a sexologist: it’s normal and helpful. The main thing is to remember that open conversations lead to better sex!
"Remember: there is no 'right' or 'normal' sex; there is only what is comfortable and pleasurable for both partners. When you accept this thought, awkwardness recedes," concludes our expert.
Talking about sex without awkwardness is an art that can be mastered. When you share desires, you become closer, trust more, and gain more pleasure. You deserve a vibrant intimate life where you feel desired!
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