A few years ago, my husband’s father passed away, and now every weekend morning, my mother-in-law comes to us with the intention of helping with laundry, cooking, and cleaning. At 8 AM! On weekends, we want to relax and enjoy coffee in bed, but instead, we have our mother-in-law waiting to help...
Understanding your mother-in-law's behavior is not in doubt: she is alone and, out of habit, seeks to care for someone by looking after you. Furthermore, by showing care, she feels her significance and importance in your life.
Your desire to spend weekends the way you want is also quite justified. Discuss with her possible changes in the ways this care can be expressed: for example, you could take the grandchildren to your mother-in-law on Friday evening and pick them up on Saturday or Sunday evening.
You can also keep the previous arrangement but ask your mother-in-law to come not at 8 AM, but, for example, after lunch.
