The Reasons for Gossip and Its Possible Benefits 0 8

According to psychologists, people spend about 60% of their communication time talking about those who are currently absent.

Why do people gossip?

Some scientists believe that gossip contributed to the survival of our ancestors. Evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar proposed this theory by comparing gossip to grooming, which is characteristic of primates. Instead of picking fleas off each other, humans communicate. And the best way to bond is to discuss others or share unexpected information.

By discussing someone, you can understand whether your views align with those of your conversation partner.

Numerous studies show that gossip also serves as a tool for cultural learning. For example, by discussing someone's unacceptable behavior, one can demonstrate the consequences of certain actions. If there is a person in the community who frequently cheats, and they start to be talked about negatively, collective criticism can warn others against cheating. Since rumors typically return to the source, this may encourage the person to reconsider their habits.

What Physiology Says

In a 2015 study published in the journal Social Neuroscience, researchers examined the brain activity of men and women when they heard positive and negative gossip about themselves, their loved ones, and celebrities. The results showed that individuals hearing gossip about themselves (both positive and negative), as well as negative rumors about others, exhibited increased activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for complex social behavior.

Experts link this to our desire to appear worthy in the eyes of others. Negative gossip about celebrities, in turn, can provoke interest or entertainment.

How to Gossip Properly

The ability to discuss other people can be developed. There are rules in gossip on how to do it correctly.

Do not discuss a person behind their back if your conversation partner knows them. This can affect their relationship and also put you in an awkward position. If your conversation partner decides to clarify the information with the source, you risk losing their trust.

Check the accuracy of the information you are passing on. It is easy to turn gossip into an absurd rumor, which can harm the reputation of the person being discussed and make you a gossipmonger.

Gossip only with those you trust. Discussing with strangers can lead to unwanted consequences.

Do not get carried away with gossip. If you are constantly talking about others, consider whether everything is alright in your life. Perhaps you should focus on your own affairs rather than on others.

How to Gossip Without Harming Others

It is important to understand that the line between harmless gossip and slander is quite thin. If your goal is to humiliate a person through public condemnation, you are no longer gossiping but attacking their dignity. Be careful and avoid excessive chatter.

Do not make things up. By embellishing facts, you can harm a person's reputation. Gossip, like a "broken telephone," can be distorted, and ultimately a minor event can lead to serious accusations.

Do not take events out of context. If you witness a conflict, try to understand what actually happened. For example, if you see a couple arguing, do not rush to share this with others, as they may reconcile the next day, and your gossip will be inappropriate.

How to Stop Gossiping

If you realize that you talk too much about others and want to change this, that is already a good step. Many live other people's lives.

First, reflect on yourself. Ask the question: what are you lacking in life? Fill that gap so you do not seek comfort in gossip.

Second, try to speak less and listen more. This will help you think about your words.

Every time you feel like gossiping, think about how to switch the conversation to a less provocative topic.

Avoid discussing others behind their backs. If someone starts gossiping near you, do not participate in the conversation and do not listen. Convince yourself that you are not interested.

What to Do When Gossip is Spread About You

How to react if someone says to you: "They are saying about you that you..."? It is important to remain calm!

Do not get angry. Take a deep breath and try to ignore it. It is not that important; focus on your own affairs. You should only respond to gossip if it interferes with your ability to perform your tasks. You can respond to rumors about yourself with kindness: start treating those who talk about you behind your back with understanding. This may confuse them and change their attitude towards you.

What is the Difference Between Gossip and Rumors

Gossip sounds like this: "Did you hear that Masha bought a new car?" In this case, Masha herself told you about it. A rumor sounds like this: "Masha has a car. She probably went into debt; she couldn't have saved up on her own?" A rumor contains not only facts but also assumptions that can be perceived as equivalent to the information about the purchase. Do you feel the difference?

There are no good rumors. They arise from the desire to attract attention through sensationalism. Gossip can be harmless or even positive. For example: "Pasha is great! Yesterday I saw him helping his mom carry grocery bags." However, it is important to remember that such gossip can be distorted through the lens of perception. For instance, if the gossipmonger wants to introduce her listener to Pasha, she may exaggerate his positive qualities.

Gossip Day

This unusual holiday is celebrated on August 31, the last day of summer, and is called "Gossip and Rumor Day." It is an opportunity to share impressions of the departing season. There is also a winter holiday — World Gossip Day, celebrated on January 23, when there is much to talk about after the New Year celebrations.

You can celebrate these days, but do not turn every day into a holiday. If you want to gossip, you can do so anytime, but with caution.

What Are the Benefits of Gossip

Matthew Feinberg, an associate professor of organizational behavior at the Rotman School of Management, emphasizes that there are types of gossip to avoid, such as mean comments about appearance. Such gossip is pointless.

In 2012, Feinberg and his colleagues conducted a study in which they found that when subjects heard about another person's antisocial behavior, their heart rates increased. However, when they could actively gossip about the situation, it calmed them down. Thus, the act of gossiping can help relax at any age.

Gossip also reflects relationships between people. Many scientists believe that gossip is shared with conversation partners with whom one feels closeness. A person must feel that their conversation partner will not use the information against them and will not discuss it with others.

Another study showed that gossip can prevent loneliness, foster closeness, and serve as a form of entertainment.

Thus, scientists advise to talk as much as possible. And when the conversation turns to gossip, which is inevitable, it is important to remember that something positive can come from it. The main thing is to understand your intentions.