We often notice that the behavior of those around us easily throws us off balance: someone speaks too loudly, someone acts slowly, and another demonstrates confidence or, conversely, helplessness — and irritation rises within us. Psychologist Radmila Bakirova explains why this happens and how to cope with such reactions without complicated practices.
Why Other People's Behavior Annoys Us
Often, it is not the people themselves, but rather their actions that activate hidden anxieties, unconscious expectations, long-standing grievances, or internal conflicts within us. When someone crosses our personal boundaries or behaves in a way we consider inappropriate, it can awaken feelings of helplessness, fatigue, or a desire to control the situation. Others thus become not the cause of irritation, but a mirror of our own experiences.
Irritation as a Signal for Change
Irritability often indicates important internal needs. For example:
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Someone's self-confidence annoys you — it may reflect your desire to be bolder;
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Slowness causes tension — you may be lacking the resource of patience;
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Annoyance triggers anger — this could be a signal about weak boundaries.
Instead of suppressing the emotion or feeling ashamed of it, it is helpful to perceive it as a hint about where there is an internal deficit or a growth area.
A Simple Self-Regulation Technique
When irritation strikes, you can apply a practical approach:
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Pause and breathe. Take a short pause and a few slow breaths — this helps interrupt the automatic reaction.
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Shift focus to yourself. Internally ask yourself: what exactly in me is affected right now? What am I lacking? What emotions are behind this anger — fatigue, fear, resentment, helplessness?
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Gentle resolution. After analysis, determine what you can do for yourself right now: set a boundary, postpone the conversation, take a break, or simply give yourself a rest.
How to Reduce Irritation in the Moment
In situations where emotions are running high:
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micro-grounding practices help — for example, focusing on your breath and the feeling of your feet on the floor;
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it is useful to divert attention to the surrounding space or physical sensations;
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mental distancing reminds you that the reaction is your emotion, not entirely the fault of another person.
The fewer harsh words and impulsive actions in peak moments, the fewer consequences and regrets later.
How to Gradually Stop "Boiling Over" from People
Over time, irritation becomes less frequent if:
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personal boundaries are strengthened;
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awareness develops;
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caring for your own resources becomes a priority;
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periods of quality sleep and rest increase;
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realistic expectations from yourself and others are formed.
Such changes help distinguish when a reaction is truly justified and when it is merely the activation of old triggers. Ultimately, people cease to be a source of constant negativity, and irritation becomes a rare, manageable signal rather than a constant background state.
