Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth? What to Do with Unwanted Gifts 0 15

Although it is not customary to look a gift horse in the mouth, as we all know, it is important to remember: the problem here is not ingratitude, but boundaries and communication. Gifts are a form of communication, and it is possible to handle them calmly and respectfully. Psychologist Radmila Bakirova provided advice that helps to deal with already received gifts and gently influence the situation in the future.

Separate Emotions from the Object

The first step is to stop feeling guilty. The gift served its purpose at the moment of giving: attention was shown. After that, the item does not have to become a permanent part of life. "Keeping it out of respect means sacrificing your own comfort for someone else's gesture. It is useful to ask yourself a simple question: if this item appeared in the house without a history, would it stay here? If the answer is negative, you can part with it without hesitation," explains the expert.

Find a New Life for the Gift

An unwanted gift does not necessarily have to be thrown away. It can be re-gifted, sold, donated to charity, or exchanged. In many cases, this is much more environmentally friendly and honest than holding onto an item for years without using it. It is important not to attach moral weight to this. Passing the gift along is not disrespectful to the giver, but a sensible use of resources. Especially if the item could genuinely bring joy to someone else.

Don't Justify Your Tastes

When the conversation turns to gifts, many people start to justify themselves: explaining why they do not wear or use something. This is a trap. "Tastes and needs do not require defense. Neutral phrasing is sufficient (for example, you can say that it doesn’t quite suit you). A calm tone without apologies is usually received much better than long, rambling explanations," says the psychologist.

Set Guidelines in Advance

One of the most effective ways to avoid unwanted gifts is to set boundaries in advance. This can be done unobtrusively: mentioning that experiences, books, or gift certificates are more important right now. It is good to directly say that you are currently trying not to clutter your home, but you are always happy with something non-material. Over time, loved ones start to adjust to this format.

Speak Directly, but Gently

If the situation repeats year after year, it is better to say honestly once than to endlessly endure and suffer. It is better to have the conversation on a regular day rather than at the moment of gift-giving. You can start with gratitude and then express the request — that the attention is very nice, but you would like to avoid such and such items in the future. Most often, people genuinely do not realize that their gifts create discomfort. A calm conversation alleviates tension and makes relationships clearer and ultimately better.