It is easy to imagine that one can forgive infidelity only in theory. In reality, however, relationships are much more than one destructive act. They consist of layers, shared experiences, complex emotions, and circumstances that are often much deeper than they appear from the outside. Therefore, the question "Can there be a reason to forgive a partner after all?" turns out to be not so straightforward.
Of course, this is always subjective. What is an instantaneous reason for one person to leave may become a trial for another, one that can be attempted and even emerge from stronger. But, as family therapist Idit Sharoni (Idit Sharoni, LMFT), director of the recovery program after infidelity It’s Okay to Stay, emphasizes: "There is no 'good' reason that justifies infidelity. In over ten years of work, I have never heard, 'Yes, that is indeed a valid excuse.'"
Nevertheless, experts agree: people often underestimate how realistically one can recover from infidelity — and how much it can change for the better. Forgiveness can bring not only a chance for the relationship, if both of you want it, but also — sometimes — clarity, closure, and inner peace. There is no universal formula here, but there are situations in which the decision to forgive becomes at least understandable.
A Long Shared History and Deep Connection
If you have been together for many years, the relationship is no longer a simple on/off switch. As Sharoni explains, partners who have gone through losses, serious illnesses, financial hardships, and have supported each other in the toughest moments view infidelity differently.
What has been shared does not vanish in an instant — and sometimes it is this solid emotional foundation that leads to an attempt to rebuild trust.
Financial Interdependence
The practical side of relationships often turns out to be complicated and grounded. Los Angeles family therapist Lisa Chen (Lisa Chen, LMFT) notes that many couples stay together not only because of feelings but also due to circumstances: a shared home, loans, children, expenses, health insurance.
Sometimes, separating means doubling the financial burden, and people decide to preserve the union, rebuilding it under new rules.
He or She Confessed Themselves
Yes, a confession does not erase the fact of betrayal. But, as therapist Patrice Le Goy (Patrice Le Goy, PhD, LMFT) says, it is often the sincere, voluntary step forward that changes the dynamic: "People are more willing to forgive when they receive honest apologies. A confession without pressure shows that the partner is ready to take responsibility."
Such openness becomes the first brick in the foundation of new trust.
You Need to Free Yourself from Pain for Your Own Sake
Many mistakenly believe that to forgive means to necessarily stay together. This is not the case. Forgiveness can be a way not to carry resentment forward, not to let infidelity define the following years of life.
Lisa Chen emphasizes: "If you do not let go of the pain, it turns into a heavy burden that seeps into all areas — from work to new relationships.
Sometimes the best way to move forward is to forgive and… go on separately."
The Partner Has Truly Done the Work to Change
And finally, the key point: forgiveness is not a gift, but a process. And it is impossible if the person who cheated does nothing to change the situation.
Family therapists talk about a clear algorithm:
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sincere apologies without "but";
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readiness for openness and long work on trust;
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a joint analysis of what needs to change in the relationship to prevent a recurrence. Sharoni, for example, helps couples build renewed relationships where there is simply no room for infidelity. This includes discussions about fears, guilt, resentment, vulnerability — honest, sometimes painful, but necessary.
There is no universal answer to the question of whether to forgive infidelity. This decision cannot be delegated to friends, relatives, or the internet. You choose for yourself — as well as how your path will look moving forward: together or apart.
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