Envy is that feeling that suddenly overwhelms you: you scroll through your feed, see your friend's perfect vacation, a colleague's new bag, or a happy couple in a photo — and everything inside tightens. "Why not me?" whispers a voice, and the day is ruined. In the age of social media, where others' lives look like a glossy magazine, envy has become almost a constant background. But psychologists assure: this is not a sentence. Envy can be tamed and even made an ally.
"It's an emotion that signals your desires," says clinical psychologist Anna Zavadskaya. "If you listen to it correctly, it will become a powerful motivator." Our expert has suggested five proven ways to turn envy from poison into fuel for personal growth.
Why Do We Envy?
Envy is an ancient survival mechanism. Our ancestors compared resources to understand where it was better. Today, resources are likes, careers, appearance. "Envy arises from a sense of scarcity," says our expert. "We see that someone has what we lack, and it hits our self-esteem." Research shows that chronic envy increases stress and decreases life satisfaction. But there is good news — envy is divided into "malignant" (destructive) and "benign" (motivating). Our task is to shift it into the second category.
Recognize the Source of Envy
The first step is to honestly look at the root. Are you envious not of your friend's car, but of the freedom it gives her? Not of the blogger's figure, but of the discipline? "Keep a jealousy journal," advises Anna Zavadskaya. "Record the triggers: who, what exactly, what emotions." After a week, you will see patterns. For example: "I’m angry at a colleague for the promotion — I want recognition." This is not a weakness, but a clue. Ask yourself: "What can I do right now?" Awareness reduces emotional intensity and turns envy into a plan of action.
Compare Yourself Only to Yourself
The main poison of envy is comparison. On social media, everyone seems perfect, but that’s an illusion. "Shift your focus to your progress," advises the expert. "Ask yourself: where was I a year ago and where am I now? Try this exercise: write down 10 achievements over the year — from small (learned a new recipe) to big (changed jobs). When envy hits, reread the list."
This will remind you that you are also moving forward. Comparing yourself to your past self is the best antidote.
Draw Inspiration from Others' Success
Benign envy is when you think: "Cool, I want that too!" instead of: "I hate her." "Study the path of those you envy," advises the psychologist. "Break down the steps: how did they reach their goal?"
Did you envy a traveler? Find out how she saved or found a remote job. Create your plan: start small — save 10% of your salary or learn a skill. Someone else's success becomes proof that your desire is achievable.
Practice Gratitude Daily
Envy focuses on absence, gratitude focuses on presence. "This is a powerful tool for reprogramming the brain," confirms the expert. "Regular practice reduces envy by 25%, according to research." Every evening, write down three things you are grateful for: health, friends, a delicious dinner. Over time, you will notice that your life is full of value. Gratitude restores confidence and makes others' victories less threatening.
Act Immediately
Envy paralyzes, action liberates. "Any step forward extinguishes negativity," explains Anna Zavadskaya. "Start with the five-minute rule: do something for your goal for just 5 minutes."
Want a career like your colleague's? Send a resume or take an online lesson. Envious of fitness results? Do some exercises. Small actions accumulate, and envy turns into pride for yourself.
Envy will not disappear completely — and it shouldn't. It shows what you truly want. Try these practices — and soon others' successes will motivate rather than hurt.
Leave a comment