Have you ever found that when summarizing the year, you have to make sad conclusions? You wanted to learn how to wakeboard, go to the sea, learn another hundred words in English, visit your cousin's godson, but kept postponing everything. And now it feels like you’ve missed something important that can’t be returned.
Of course, we missed out, and the most valuable thing — time. Psychologist Veronika Akhmetova explained the dangers of the syndrome of deferred life and how to combat it. "The syndrome of deferred life is a psychological state in which a person constantly postpones a full life, the realization of certain ideas, moments of happiness for later. They live in a mode of waiting for the right moment, for better times that never truly arrive," warns the expert.
As a result, life turns into a runway on the way to real actions, endless and as gray and monotonous as possible. The habit of postponing does not arise in everyone, although it is considered a fairly common problem.
It's Not Just Fears and Insecurities to Blame
Akhmetova believes that not only naturally indecisive people are prone to this syndrome, but also perfectionists. Both groups do not want to start something new, to realize dreams and ideas out of fear that it won't work. Or that it won't be good enough. Then expectations will be disappointed, and there will be an extra reason to "chew" on their own failures. "Also, there are social norms. Parents could have insisted from childhood that first comes education, then career, then family. Life should be clearly and sequentially planned. Therefore, I won’t start this until I finish the previous stage," continues the psychologist.
In light of today’s rather unstable situation, another reason arises. Many are afraid to take decisive steps because it feels like life hasn't truly started yet. It's much easier to justify failures with external circumstances than to find reasons within oneself.
Veronika Akhmetova also lists two more categories potentially susceptible to the syndrome of deferred life. These are those who have experienced painful events in the recent past and fear the repetition of traumatic experiences. And those who are constantly busy. In the 21st century, it is customary to spin like a squirrel in a wheel: taking children to school, going to work, then to the store, for a manicure, checking homework, sleeping, and so on in a circle. "In this endless cycle of tasks, there are simply no resources left for oneself and one’s true desires," says the expert.
Start Living in the Present, Not the Future
Akhmetova recommends finding ways to bring back a real, vibrant life starting today. This is one action that definitely should not be postponed. There are ways, and they are quite accessible. "First of all, you can start keeping a diary, simply on your phone. As soon as you think, for example, that you want to fly in a wind tunnel, write it down immediately. Better yet, enter it into your calendar with a sound notification. This will help you see the scale of your procrastination," advises the psychologist.
The second point: allow yourself to be imperfect. Don’t expect immediate super results from yourself; just praise yourself for having started doing something at all. Large and hard-to-reach goals can be divided into mini-tasks that are achievable in the near future.
"Write them down, let them be small steps, and you will see how things will progress. The same goes for internal attitudes. Allow yourself not to postpone all the best for later. For example, if you bought beautiful lingerie, there’s no need to wait for some exclusive occasion to wear it. Your life doesn’t start tomorrow. It is already happening; there should be no 'later'," says the expert.
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