In a healthy couple, a simple formula applies: honesty where it concerns relationships and privacy where it concerns personal boundaries. Most people are convinced that there should be no lies in healthy relationships. But psychological practice shows that absolute honesty is an ideal that does not always work in real life. The question is not whether lies and omissions are possible, but why they arise. Is lying possible in close relationships, and if so, where is the line drawn? Psychotherapist Natalia Garina explains.
Three Types of Lies
There are three types of untruths. The first is protective, when people hide something not to manipulate, but to avoid conflict or not to hurt their partner.
"For example, not mentioning a bad mood to avoid snapping at loved ones. Such 'little white lies of politeness' do not destroy relationships if they do not become systemic," says the psychologist.
The second is shameful lies. Hiding the past, family stories, personal weaknesses. Here, it is important to understand the motive. If secrets help maintain internal boundaries and do not traumatize the couple - that is fine.
But if a partner is afraid to tell the truth because they expect condemnation or punishment, that is already a marker of danger, not individual space.
The third type is manipulative lies. Hiding feelings, finances, infidelities, true intentions. This destroys trust, creates distance, and establishes a relationship where one person always lives in a state of control.
What Things Should Not Be Hidden
In a healthy couple, a simple formula applies: honesty where it concerns relationships and privacy where it concerns personal boundaries.
"A partner is not obliged to disclose every detail of the past, but it is worth being open about important matters - values, feelings, decisions, expectations. Lies become a problem when their goal is to avoid responsibility or gain at the expense of another," adds Natalia Garina.
So, not every omission is a threat. But every lie has a motive. And if that motive is fear or manipulation, it is already a signal that a conversation about trust is needed in the relationship.
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