A Male Approach: How to Involve Dad in Raising a Child

Raising a child is a team effort, and the father's role in this process is invaluable. But what to do if the father seems detached or does not participate in the upbringing of his child at all? Psychologist Victoria Lapkovskaya provided advice on how to make a man an active and engaged participant in raising a child.

“I advise conducting comprehensive work and never asking. If you ask, it’s easy to refuse — because the giver loses nothing. If you offer options, then the one refusing misses opportunities,” comments the expert.

Define and Agree on Roles and Responsibilities

This is the first thing to start with. Once again — do not ask for help, but discuss. “Discuss which specific aspects of parenting the husband is willing to take responsibility for: physical development, teaching certain skills, shared leisure,” specifies the specialist.

Engage the Man in Conversation

Start a management duel. Here it’s important to understand — do not start a quarrel! Your goal is a structured dialogue to reach an agreement. “For example, you can start: ‘Dear, I have an important question about raising our child, please give me half an hour.’ Then state the topic of the conversation, such as limiting screen time. Prepare your arguments and think about your husband’s possible interests in resolving the issue. During the dialogue, actively listen to his position. Use shuffling — offer options with slight changes in conditions, remember to maintain the goal of the dialogue,” advises the expert.

At the end of the conversation, the specialist recommends fixing the agreements — clearly articulate them out loud. Ensure that you are being listened to, maintain eye contact, and use a friendly and inviting tone of voice.

Provide Space for Initiative

The man should feel autonomy and the right to make mistakes. Make it so that he takes the initiative himself, and trust him to fulfill the commitments he has taken on. Victoria: “Avoid constant control and criticism. This will give the man the opportunity to feel competent and significant as a parent.”

Separate the Roles of ‘Father’ and ‘Provider’

It is important for the man to understand that he is not limited to just providing for the family; he is valued and expected as a father. Talk about the importance of his emotional presence in the child’s life, mentorship, and sharing life experiences.

Do Not Argue in Front of the Child

This is the same as criticizing publicly. “Remember — we always praise publicly, we scold only one-on-one. This rule applies to both the husband and the child,” notes Victoria.

Apply the Concept of a ‘Long-Term Plan’

Instead of immediate requests, discuss with your husband a shared vision for your child’s future in 5, 10, 15, 20 years. Men are strategists. Such long-term planning motivates them; they see a clear goal and their role in achieving it.

Acknowledge His Contribution and Sincerely Praise Him

This is also very significant. Our expert: “Initiatives and successes, even if small, should be reinforced with positive incentives — praise, a delicious dinner, a pleasant evening. This will stimulate further involvement in raising the child.”

The main idea is to shift your relationship into the realm of partnership and respect. “Respect your husband; your husband is your choice, remember this and often articulate why you chose him. What is his uniqueness for you and why is he needed by the child,” emphasizes Victoria.