According to studies, the frequency of sex in stable couples ranges from 11 to 58 times a year. But even those 11 times, some women diligently avoid. Statistics show that about 30% of women experience decreased libido, which is twice as often as men. This situation can lead to the destruction of intimacy between partners. Why does desire fade, and can it be revived? We asked sex coach Ekaterina Bibisheva.
Where Does Libido Go?
Libido is the desire, sexual attraction, appetite for sex. It is an exciting heat, a bright flash, unrestrained passion. Like all pleasurable things, libido is not always stable. It can change depending on your emotional state, physical sensations, or hormonal surges.
The reasons for decreased libido can be both physiological — pregnancy, breastfeeding, hormonal imbalance, bacterial infections, taking certain medications — and psychological — prolonged depression, low self-esteem, psychological trauma, dissatisfaction with a partner.
Scientists have long proven the connection between a woman's sexual organs and her brain. A branched network of nerve endings stretches from the pelvis through the spinal cord to the brain. Therefore, the brain influences our libido and vice versa. For example, if you are stressed, angry at your partner, or experiencing body image issues, it is extremely difficult to achieve sexual arousal. The brain mobilizes all its resources to help you overcome psychological discomfort. There simply isn't enough energy left for sexual desire.
Conversely, when you see an attractive man nearby, and you are healthy, feel comfortable and confident in your body, the brain receives a signal for arousal, and libido increases.
Adult Americans were having sex about nine times less per year in the early 2010s compared to the late 1990s, according to data from the General Social Survey.
How to Restore Desire
Is it possible to awaken libido? Yes, and yes again! Here are 5 simple ways to fall in love with sex again.
Learn to Relax. When you are relaxed, your brain receives the signal that you are safe and can direct energy towards pleasure. Additionally, relaxation allows a woman to activate love. From this state, it is much easier to awaken libido. Breathing practices, massage, and intimate self-massage, which enhances blood circulation in the pelvic organs, increases sensitivity, and adds brightness to sensations during sex, are excellent for relaxation.
Explore Your Own Body. When you know how your body works, where your erogenous zones are, and how to stimulate them, you can directly influence your libido. What else helps restore desire? Acceptance of your own body, especially your genitals. From childhood, we have been instilled with the idea that touching intimate organs is forbidden, cultivating a sense of shame towards them. This often leads to an adult woman strictly separating her "pure soul" from her "dirty" sexual organs. Sex becomes an act of debauchery for her. But this is unlikely to happen if you are at peace with your genitals. When you perceive your body as a whole, do not reject your sexual organs, feel confident, and love yourself, libido increases.
Add Variety to Your Sex Life. Libido reacts sharply to boredom in bed. If your sex occurs in the same positions, with the same behavioral patterns, libido may begin to decrease. So feel free to change everything: the location for sex, techniques, sexual toys. Even new bed linen can awaken libido.
Talk to Your Partner. After all, sex is perhaps the main element of intimacy. So feel free to communicate on intimate topics, discuss your fantasies.
Improve Blood Circulation. Good blood circulation is the foundation for high libido. Where blood flows, there is energy, and there is your desire. Intimate gymnastics does an excellent job with this task. When you train your intimate muscles, blood circulation in the pelvic organs improves, hormonal balance normalizes, lubrication increases, cramps and painful sensations disappear. Additionally, sensitivity increases. And, of course, arousal: it grows right during the workouts.
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