The Allergy to Success: How and Why We Push Away Luck 0 7

Why We Want to Ruin Everything

Ancient Survival Code

In primitive societies, if a member stood out, they were often expelled from the tribe, thus condemning them to death. The connection between something new and death created a deep fear in ancient people that has been passed down to us. For the limbic system, which is responsible for survival, even a pleasant change is a potential threat. The anticipation of success often activates the same hormones as real danger:

• cortisol blocks logical thinking;

• adrenaline makes one seek threats;

• dopamine decreases upon achieving a goal.

As a result, the brain demands a return to the "safe" zone of failure.

Family Scenarios

• "Don't stand out" — achievements attract unwanted attention.

• "Be like everyone else" — individuality is punished by rejection.

• "Money isn't everything" — often financial success is associated with something immoral.

• "Modesty is a virtue" — ambitions are shameful.

• "Wanting too much means getting little" — striving for more leads to disappointment.

These phrases, repeated thousands of times, turn into internal settings, giving rise to self-esteem issues and insecurity.

It may seem that personal achievements are a betrayal of loved ones. The subconscious whispers: "If you become successful, you will lose connection with your family. You will be alone in a new world."

Impostor Syndrome

All of this occurs when people do not recognize their strengths. They feel that after recognition will come "exposure".

There are many examples of impostor syndrome. This is a girl who refuses to date an attractive man because she considers herself unattractive. A talented artist does not exhibit their works. A great author writes in solitude.

Three Typical Scenarios of Escaping Happiness

Refusal. The most popular way of self-sabotage is simply saying "no" to an opportunity. For example, a photographer is offered to participate in a prestigious competition. But he finds a thousand reasons not to do it: "I won't win anyway", "my works aren't good enough", "I don't have time". A year later, he sees the works of the winners and realizes that his were no worse.

Devaluation. Success = luck. Failure = nothing surprising. Conclusion — better not to try. Those who devalue their achievements and belittle their abilities will never taste success. They find it hard to accept praise and rejoice in victories.

Sabotaging Intimacy. A common story is a loner who dreams of love for years. And when the right person appears, they immediately look for flaws and provoke conflicts. The logic of the subconscious is simple: it’s better to push away immediately than to later experience the pain of separation.

The result of all these scenarios is the same: chronic dissatisfaction with life and passing on fears to children. Unfulfilled potential literally eats one from the inside.

How to Overcome the Fear of Success

The good news: the brain can be retrained.

When the goal seems unattainable. Break it down into 20–30 tiny steps. After each completed step, physically mark the victory (raise your hands, let out a victory shout, smile). Keep a checklist with checkmarks. The brain will begin to associate movement towards the goal with pleasure, not anxiety. Dopamine will be produced at each intermediate stage.

When fear takes over. Write down the fears associated with the desired victory. For example: "friends will turn away", "I will become arrogant", "I won't handle the responsibility".

For each thesis, ask three questions:

• What is the worst that can realistically happen?

• How will I deal with this situation if it happens?

• Do I know people for whom this fear did not come true?

Then think of strategies to overcome these fears. They will lose power when they turn into specific tasks with solutions.

When you want to refuse an opportunity. Do not make a final decision immediately. Take time to analyze the risks. Fear always screams: "Urgent!" Wisdom, however, calls for not acting rashly.

When you devalue your achievements. Imagine that success has come to your friend. How would you congratulate them? What words would you choose? Now say this to yourself.

Try to Do an Exercise Every Day

In the morning: write down three things you are grateful for right now. The phrases should be specific, not general: "for the fragrant coffee", "for the sun outside the window", "for the warm cat".

In the evening: note three small victories of the day. Even little things count.

After any success: dance, jump, or raise your hands in victory. The body needs physical anchors of joy.