Sometimes suffering from past relationships lasts for years. In fact, all our experiences are just a reflection that can be turned off, says the expert.
“I can’t forget my ex, I cry every day, other men are uninteresting” — this is one of the most common requests that women bring to a psychologist. Men, by the way, also often suffer from this problem, but they seek help from a specialist much less frequently.
Feeling sad after a breakup is normal, specialists say. Be sure to give yourself some time to cry and grieve, as it is necessary to release emotions. However, this process should not drag on. The human psyche is structured in such a way that we cannot remain in grief constantly; otherwise, it may end in neurosis or severe depression.
Expert - Denis Dolgov, Psychologist
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) in psychology is a method that helps manage thinking, emotions, and behavior. It is actively used in psychotherapy, as this way a person can achieve desired results in a shorter time.
With the help of NLP, you can forget your ex, says Denis Dolgov. The expert shared a step-by-step guide on how to do this.
1. Identify the Trigger
The first and most important step is to track the moment when you remember your ex-partner. What specifically provokes this? Silence? A certain route or your song together?
It is necessary to understand what exactly triggers the chain of experiences.
2. Break the Image
Imagine the face of your ex-lover — this should not be difficult for you. Now you need to spoil this image. You can imagine looking at the person through cloudy glass or that their image is getting further and further away.
Try to mentally put your ex on a train and watch as it leaves. The train has now disappeared from your sight forever...
3. Create a Funny Sound
Does the voice of your ex still send shivers down your spine? It’s time to change that!
“Replace their voice with something ridiculous: cartoonish, too high, or too slow. The brain does not support serious feelings towards a ridiculous image,” says Denis Dolgov.
4. Make a Resource Substitution
Right after the image of your ex has become distant and ridiculous, imagine yourself in their place. But you are calm, composed, and beautiful. You stand still, breathe evenly, smile, and enjoy this life.
This image should be brighter than the image of your ex: larger, closer, in more expressive shades. Then the brain will start to choose it as the main one.
5. Use the “Remembered — Moved” Rule
Every time the image of your ex-partner pops up in your mind, you take some action:
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10 deep breaths,
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20 squats,
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15 claps or finger snaps,
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leave the room,
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splash cold water on your face.
Repetitions create a connection: “thought → action,” not “thought → replaying the scenario.”
6. Rewrite the Future
Imagine that 3-5 months have passed and conversations about your ex no longer affect you. You meet them on the street, but you only feel calm.
Play this movie in your head 3-5 times with all the details. This is called anticipatory programming: you show your brain how to react.
7. Cut the Significance
It is important not only to visualize this in your head but also to say it out loud.
So say clearly and loudly: “This is not love, this is a remaining neural habit.” This phrase is needed to avoid dramatizing and re-igniting the feeling.
“It's important to perform the steps daily for 5–7 days in a row, then as the image arises. You will see how your perception changes,” concluded Denis Dolgov.
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