A psychologist explained which phrases are better not to say to a person in a difficult moment 0 13

You should not try to support your loved ones if you do not have the internal resources yourself.

If you do not have the resources to cope with your emotional state, attempts to support another will be accompanied by irritation and anger, as your psyche will try to conserve resources for itself.

Do not give unsolicited advice.

Instead, you can say: "I would like to help you. What can I do for you in this situation?"

Do not urge resilience: "Don't whine, toughen up!"

Instead, you can say: "It seems you are really struggling right now, and I will be here for you, I am with you."

Calls for resilience make a person feel that they are denied support and must rely only on themselves.

Do not blame the person: "I told you so. It's your fault."

Instead, you can say: "Everyone has difficult moments in life, and that's okay. Try not to blame yourself; you couldn't have known this would happen."

By blaming the person, you are not supporting them but only exacerbating their negative emotions.

Do not scare the person; they may already be afraid: "My mom's friend was also sick, and she died."

If you want to share an example from your experience, choose positive ones that will encourage the person.

Do not compare the person: "Children are starving in Africa; compared to them, your problem is trivial."

It is important for the person that you listen to their story and share their feelings.

Do not devalue the person's problems: "Forget it. Don't worry. It's not a big deal."

Instead of support, the person feels like something is wrong with them if they are upset over something trivial.

Do not forbid expressing feelings: "Crying won't help. Stop whining."

Instead, you can ask: "It seems you are having a hard time; you have the right to feel these emotions. What are you feeling right now?"

Do not talk about the time elapsed since the experiences: "Are you still upset about this? It's time to let it go!"

Traumatic events can cause negative feelings for a long time. Trauma has no expiration date.

Do not pull the blanket over yourself: "I'm having a hard time too; I have problems at work."

This way, the person not only does not receive support but is also forced to support you when they are overwhelmed with emotions themselves.

Do not impose "appropriate emotions": "You should relax. You shouldn't worry so much."

Instead, you can share your feelings: "I am really very sad that this happened."

Do not try to immediately distract the person: "A new movie has come out; let's go to the cinema instead?"

Instead, you can say: "If you want to take your mind off things, I would be happy to keep you company."

Do not try to immediately comfort the person with words: "Everything will be fine; everything will work out."

A person needs to express their feelings; the words "Everything will be fine" devalue their emotions.

According to specialists, true support is not an attempt to urgently "fix" someone else's emotions but the ability to listen, show empathy, and let the person feel that they are not alone with their pain.