Financial Dialogue: How to Talk About Money in the First Year of a Relationship 0 15

Why Is Money Important from the Very Beginning?

Financial habits shape our behavior just as much as character does. One of you saves for travel, while the other spends on outfits — and soon there are sparks of misunderstanding. "Money is not just numbers; it reflects values and priorities," says psychologist Olga Trubnikova. "Ignoring this topic means accumulating tension that will lead to arguments later."

The first year is a time when you get to know each other. Discussing finances helps to understand how a partner relates to planning, responsibility, and dreams. "It’s not about counting salaries; it’s about building trust," Olga reminds us.

Here’s How to Approach the Conversation Step by Step

Find the Right Moment

The topic of money is not for the first date, but you shouldn’t wait until you move in together either. The ideal time is when the relationship becomes stable, for example, after 3–6 months, when you are already planning joint trips or purchases. "Choose a calm moment when you are both relaxed," advises family therapist Maria Stern. "Don’t start the conversation on a stressful day or after an argument — it’s doomed to fail."

How to start: Make the approach easy. For example: "I was thinking about how we could plan a vacation. How do you usually save for such things?" Such a question opens the dialogue without pressure. Avoid phrases like "How much do you earn?" — they sound like an interrogation.

Be Honest, But Don’t Reveal Everything

Honesty doesn’t mean laying out all your bank statements. At the initial stage, it’s enough to discuss general approaches: how you feel about spending, saving, and debt. "Don’t be afraid to admit if you have a loan or live paycheck to paycheck," says Trubnikova. "It’s not a weakness but a sign of trust. But don’t delve into exact figures if you’re not ready."

Example: "I try to save 10% every month, but sometimes I spend more on clothes. How do you usually plan your budget?" This approach shows your openness and invites the partner to engage in dialogue. If they evade, it might be a signal: perhaps they are not ready for honesty.

Discuss Joint Expenses

The first year often includes shared expenses: dinners, trips, gifts. Who pays? How to split the bill? In 2025, couples increasingly choose flexibility: 50/50, proportionally to income, or taking turns. "It’s important to agree so that no one feels taken advantage of," emphasizes Maria Stern. "For example, if one earns more, they can take on larger expenses, but smaller ones are better split evenly."

How to bring up the topic: Start with a specific situation. "We’re planning a trip; what do you think is the best way to split the costs?" Offer options: "Maybe I’ll take the hotel, and you take the tickets?" This creates a sense of teamwork. If the partner insists on "I’ll pay for everything" or, conversely, avoids spending, discuss what lies behind this: pride, control, or insecurity?

Talk About Financial Habits

Everyone has their own relationship with money. Some save for an apartment, while others live for the day. Understanding these differences helps avoid conflicts. "Financial habits are like a love language: they need to be learned," believes Olga Trubnikova. Ask: how does your partner feel about debt, investments, and spontaneous purchases? This will give insight into their values.

How to ask: "I noticed you always plan big purchases. I’m more spontaneous. How do you think we can find a balance?" Such a conversation reveals differences without judgment. If they are a spender and you save, it’s not a verdict — the main thing is to agree on the rules.

Discuss Long-Term Goals

The first year is not the time for discussions about joint mortgages, but you can touch on dreams. Does he want to travel? Is he planning a business? This will help you understand if your plans align. If you’re saving for education and he’s saving for a car, that’s okay — the main thing is that you respect each other’s priorities.

How to start: "I dream of going to Japan in a couple of years. Do you have any big plans?" This opens a dialogue about the future without pressure. If the partner avoids the topic, it may indicate a reluctance to make long-term plans.

Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

• Judgment. Don’t criticize their spending, even if it seems ridiculous. Instead of saying, "Why do you need a tenth pair of sneakers?" say, "It’s cool that you love collecting. How do you decide what to spend on?"

• Comparing incomes. Don’t turn the conversation into a competition. Focus on values, not numbers.

• Ignoring red flags. If they hide income, pressure you, or demand that you pay for everything, that’s a warning sign.

• Rushing. Don’t try to solve everything in one conversation. Financial dialogue is a process.

What to Do If the Conversation Isn’t Going Well?

If the partner avoids the topic of money, don’t push. They may not be ready or may have negative experiences. "Try talking about money through shared plans; it reduces tension," advises Stern. For example: "How much do you think renting a cottage by the sea costs? Let’s calculate it." If they continue to shut down, ask directly: "Are you uncomfortable talking about money? Maybe I can help?" This will show your care.

If the topic leads to arguments, take a break. Return to the conversation later, choosing neutral ground, such as discussing household expenses. If the problem remains unresolved, consider whether you are ready for a relationship where financial openness is off-limits.

Finances Are About Trust

Talking about money in the first year of a relationship is not about counting pennies but about building trust. Don’t be afraid to bring up this topic: it will show how ready you and your partner are to be a team. Start small — discussing dinner or a trip — and gradually move on to bigger goals. Let money become not a stumbling block but a bridge to your shared future.