The term "cushioning" (from the English "cushioning") may seem exotic, but many have found themselves in such a situation. It refers to a situation where one partner, while in a relationship, keeps other people on standby — in case the primary relationship fails. This is not always open infidelity: rather, it’s soft planning for an exit, emotional insurance, in case everything ends. Recognizing such signals is useful: it’s better to see the problem early than to get a surprise. Psychologist Radmila Bakirova explained what to pay attention to.
On the Line with a “Friend-Companion”
If your partner is constantly in touch with someone you don't know and justifies it as if nothing serious is happening, it's worth considering. They might be messaging a "childhood friend," an "ex," or a "new acquaintance," flirting lightly with them while saying they are just bored with you, but nothing serious is going on. Such a connection acts as a safety net: if the relationship with you starts to falter, there is already someone to meet later. It’s important not to accuse but to clarify with a simple question: what is the status of this person and what are their expectations.
A Queue of Options
When your partner talks too much about past flings and accompanies it with the words "she's not for serious relationships," this may be a visual array of backup cards. "He’s not just reminiscing; it’s as if he’s preparing a list 'just in case.' It’s important to discuss not what happened with him before, but the balance specifically with you. You have the right to ask whether he honestly feels good in your relationship or if he is constantly keeping backup options on the side," emphasizes the expert.
Emotional Distance
Cushioning is often accompanied by internal closure — the partner is always in touch, but their attention is only partially in your relationship. They say, "love me, but not too much, and don’t get used to it," or "I need space." Such distance is a warning: he is not fully invested, leaving himself an exit. If you notice that behind all his plans often lies "I’m still not sure" — this is a reason to talk. Real relationships do not tolerate minor doubts, although everyone may have them at different stages.
Uncertainty with Plans
If you ask about the future and hear something vague with mumbling in response — this is not a coincidence. "A partner who keeps a backup option is not ready to seriously plan with you, whether it’s a vacation, living together, or investments — all of this is either postponed or discussed theoretically. When it comes time to take a step — he changes the subject. However, if you notice that he is genuinely interested in your time and future, this confirms his involvement," says the psychologist.
Avoiding Questions About Serious Matters
When you talk about something serious — for example, wanting to clarify what relationships mean to him, where he sees you as a couple in a year, and the partner changes the subject or suggests not to stress about it. This may be a sign: he basically wants things to go on, but without important commitments. The safety net is not the fact of messaging or meeting someone else, but rather this position of his: if anything happens, I’m not losing anything. If he openly and calmly talks about fidelity and a shared future — that’s a different level.
"Cushioning is not always equal to cheating — it’s more often doubt, unwillingness, and fear of investing equally in the relationship. If you recognize the signals described above, it’s important to talk: not to accuse, but to find out if you are ready to be the first option, not just an option. In healthy relationships, there should be no backup cards (especially not marked ones) — there are only the two of you," concludes the relationship specialist.
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