Almost every woman wants to see an adult, mature partner next to her, someone who can take responsibility, knows the value of his words, is strong, reliable, and so on (the list can go on almost indefinitely). But unfortunately, in most cases, we encounter men who haven’t properly separated from their parents. Can one build an adult relationship with such a man? Probably yes. But still, most women who meet “mama’s boys” and have experience interacting with them prefer to continue searching for their chosen one.
So, how can you tell if you’ve encountered a man who hasn’t separated from his mother? Psychologist Alena Al-As explains.
He is impulsive, and everyone suffers because of it
The fridge is almost empty, but he has a new gaming console? He took out a loan for a two-seater sports car, and you have three kids? That’s exactly it! The thing is, all his problems were solved by his mom before you. Now it’s your turn. He’s doing just fine with his impulsiveness.
Complete failure in self-discipline
He sat at the computer and left a pile of mugs. He had breakfast and didn’t clean up after himself. He promised the kids a trip and then immediately forgot about it. No one ever demanded that he clean up after himself or be accountable for his words. They only celebrated the fact of his existence.
Lives for the day
He has no savings, no understanding of what tomorrow will bring, and no idea of what he wants from life. Because mom always knew and explained to him in detail what socks he would wear to school and which faculty he would enroll in.
Dependent on his parents
Mostly on his mom, of course. This is psychological incest — dad checked out right after the son was born, and mom elevated the child to a pedestal, so it’s still important to her that everything related to him matters. And for him, it’s a blessing — he can have a delicious lunch at mommy’s house and even get some cash on the way out. It’s not just a life; it’s a berry patch!
He needs to be the good one
He’s not used to arguing or standing up for his point of view (sometimes this is only possible in a debate, unfortunately), he has never defended his woman and won’t do it... Most likely, his partner will protect him faster than he will protect her. He’s used to being the good little boy and not contradicting. Every time he tries to argue, he will remember his mom’s lamentations and requests not to embarrass her, but only to please her.
A man’s separation from his mother should happen voluntarily and work both ways. You can be his girlfriend or even wife, be the best and coolest, but if he doesn’t understand that “going on vacation with mom or letting her iron his shirts” is no longer the norm, then you won’t be able to prove or break that bond. Why is separation important in both directions? Because even with a strong desire to separate, he will still be caught in the whirlpool of his mom’s manipulations and care if she isn’t ready to “divorce” her son.
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