What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Get Along with Your Friends 0 7

Consider Whether This Is Really a Big Problem

It’s possible that your significant other has no prejudice against your friends. However, they may not feel that they necessarily need to be a part of their life. They are content with their own circle of acquaintances and would prefer to spend their free time with their friends rather than getting to know yours.

If you did not have mutual friends before meeting your partner and you are used to spending time in completely different circles, it is quite normal for each of you to not want to give up meeting with people you value.

You and your partner may also have interests that cannot be combined. For example, they might be an avid football fan while you prefer to spend all your free time at jazz concerts. Or you have been hiking for many years while they prefer exhibitions and ethnic festivals.

Naturally, each of you has friends who share your interests. But there is nothing wrong if you find it boring to talk about the best ways to prepare for a kayaking trip while your partner does not want to discuss the saxophone part in a new track by a popular musician. Or vice versa.

If the reason for your partner's cold relationship with your friends is differing interests, consider whether it is truly worth considering this a problem. Perhaps it is better to allow both yourself and your partner to spend enough time with those who share your interests.

Talk to Your Partner About Their Attitude Towards Your Friends

It is possible that your partner is indeed cold towards your friends, and the difference in interests has nothing to do with it. Ask them what the reason for their unfriendly attitude is. Perhaps they feel that someone among your acquaintances or friends is secretive and not entirely sincere. Or behaves too provocatively. Or holds beliefs that your partner fundamentally disagrees with.

Listen to your partner and try to understand why they have come to unpleasant conclusions about your acquaintances.

Look at your friends through their eyes — you might actually see traits in them that you hadn’t noticed before. But that doesn’t mean you should immediately abandon your friends. Or argue with your partner because you think they are wrong.

Tell your loved one what you appreciate about the people they have reacted coolly towards. And allow them to maintain their opinion. Over time, as they get to know your friends better, their attitude may very well change.

Find Out How Your Friends Feel About Your Partner

Perhaps your partner's dislike for your friends is not accidental, and they themselves made a not-so-good impression on your acquaintances. Or they are jealous of your relationship with your partner and fear that you will forget about your circle. And your partner responds to them with disdain.

In the first case, tell your friends why your partner is important to you. Ask about the reasons for their coldness. And remember that over time, people often change their attitude towards the same person.

Your friends may accept your partner once they get to know them better. And your partner, in turn, may reconcile with or even befriend them.

If you see that your friends are jealous of you, try to have an honest conversation with them about their expectations and concerns. Do not promise them that your friendships will not change at all. Your personal life will surely require both time and energy from you.

It is normal if you find yourself unprepared to participate in every event that your friends come up with. But you value your friends, and you enjoy being with them. So you will surely find a way to continue communicating.

Try to Spend Time with Both Your Partner and Friends

Each partner has friends that the other may not necessarily accept. Therefore, it is worth agreeing that you will not put your partner in a position of having to choose between you and their friends. But they should not do this regarding your friends either. It is better to agree on when you will spend time together and when each of you will socialize with your own friends.

Try to trust your partner and not worry about what they are doing without you. If you feel jealousy creeping in, think about how much time your loved one spent with their friends before meeting you. That did not hinder the start of your relationship — so it is unlikely to ruin it in the future. Remind both yourself and your partner of this if they start to feel jealous of your friends.

Consider How to Facilitate Communication During Joint Gatherings

There are situations where this cannot be avoided. For example, at important family celebrations: housewarmings, birthdays, anniversaries of your couple. Both your friends and your partner's acquaintances will surely be present.

Therefore, agree from the start that you will both try to interact with the guests impartially. Neither of you will bring up issues that could lead to conflicts. There will be no recalling old disagreements with your partner's friends.

Surely there are topics that will interest everyone present — try to stay within those limits.

Talk to your loved one about how such events can be a chance to view your and their friends differently. And to try to reconnect with them.

In such situations, mutual respect is always important. You promise your partner to treat their guests with respect, and therefore you expect them to meet your friends in the same way.

If Your Partner Has Few Friends, Help Them Become Part of Your Circle

Sometimes one partner is very sociable, has many acquaintances, friends, and companions. The other prefers to spend more time alone. Or they have recently moved to a new city and have not yet had the chance to make acquaintances. In this case, they may demand all of their partner's time and attention. And feel unfriendly towards their friends because they feel like an outsider in the new company.

If you are the first person in this couple and your partner is the second, help them get to know your friends better. Do not leave them alone in your company. On the contrary — involve them in group conversations or activities.

For example, hand them a knife and a cutting board if you are all chopping salads together before New Year’s. Include them in the shared work. And tell everyone what dish they cook better than all the chefs in the world.

And remember once again that over time, people get to know each other better and conflicts come to an end. And your couple will surely have mutual friends whom you will both treat equally well.