It may seem unnecessary to include intimacy in the daily or weekly routine. In marriage, this phenomenon is taken for granted, and at the beginning of romantic relationships, sex doesn’t need to be planned. It happens spontaneously, which is what makes it wonderful. However, in unions that have existed for 5–10 years or more, this once-pleasant activity sometimes falls off the list of "to-dos." The reasons can vary: temporary cooling, the arrival of children, busyness, and fatigue. However, sexologist Ekaterina Makarova reminded us of the importance of emotional and sexual connection in marriage. She also explained the benefits of planned marital sex.
Habit Is Not So Bad
Have you heard the metaphor about borscht? It goes that if you eat borscht every day for lunch, one day you will want to treat yourself to dumplings. This is how some pseudo-scientists like to explain the reasons for infidelity. But in reality, many people eat borscht for lunch almost every day: it is guaranteed to be tasty, filling, balanced, and very pleasant. Now let's try to draw a parallel with sex. "In marriage, there is a lot of sex. And this is called 'sexual habit.' Partners know that in the evening, when the day's worries are behind them, there will be no urgent matters left, and the soft bed will relax and beckon," says the expert. And despite the theories of skeptics who are convinced that there is nothing good in the monotony and steadiness of marital intimacy, they find no confirmation.
Strong unions are fueled by the fact that intimacy is inherently part of their plans two to three times a week. "I have had to consult quite a few people who complained that after a divorce, their intimate life worsened or disappeared completely, that with a new partner, things are unclear, but with an experienced one, everything played out like music," explains Ekaterina Makarova.
A Successful Script for Your Bed Scenes
When you first meet, everything can be somewhat chaotic. You study your partner, listening to your feelings and theirs. In marriage, over the years, an optimal script develops that suits both partners, taking into account all individual characteristics and wishes. "Spouses also learn not to be shy with each other, to behave naturally, with great openness and trust. Additionally, they accumulate a lot of positive interaction experience, where things have worked out many times. This is the key to successful sexual hygiene, a good prognosis for sexual longevity, and the creation of satisfying relationships," reminds the sexologist.
A Drop of Tar
As in any endeavor that you have studied thoroughly and mastered all the nuances perfectly, a crisis can occur in marital intimacy. It may seem that intimacy is turning into a routine, and even intimate devices and new positions and locations do not particularly help to regain passion. And this is absolutely normal, reassures the expert. Every couple experiences such turning points.
"There are crises of meaning in relationships, and crises of partner interaction. And discussions, shake-ups, and re-establishing the dots over 'i' are simply necessary for spouses to make choices again and continue to be with each other. And when all the storms settle, the years of developed, honed, purely physiological reflexes take over, and we relax again, surrendering to that very saving sexual habit," concludes the psychologist.
So feel free to plan your personal schedule of hot dates, try to stick to it, and bring something new into the script. And if intimacy happens unexpectedly, even better. A little improvisation is always a plus.
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