140,000 euros for a question that the cashier already knows the answer to

There are studies whose purpose is clear. For example, cancer research. Research on cardiovascular diseases. Research on why potholes on Latvian roads multiply faster than rabbits. And then there are studies that, upon reading their title, give the impression that someone in a government institution has accidentally confused science with improvisational theater.

So when I read about the plans to conduct a study "On the Drinking Habits of Residents of Estonia and Lithuania in Latvia," I realized: Latvian science has reached a new level of development. For 140,000 euros, we will finally attempt to uncover one of the main mysteries of the Baltics: why do Estonians and Lithuanians buy alcohol in Latvia?

Until now, science has only had assumptions. Perhaps they really enjoy the Latvian landscapes. Maybe they just adore the architecture of our gas stations. It is possible that a resident of Tallinn drives three hundred kilometers on a Friday night solely to admire the parking lot of a store in Ainazi. But without a study, this cannot be known for sure.

As part of the study, a special group of scientists will likely be formed.

I can already see them.

Ten researchers are standing near a border store.

One is taking notes. Another is photographing. The third is analyzing the trajectory of shopping carts.

— Colleagues, we have a new observation!

— What happened?

— A citizen of Estonia bought two packs of beer.

— Incredible. Can we determine the motive?

— Not yet. Additional funding is required.

Of course, a serious study cannot be limited to a simple question: why do you buy alcohol in Latvia? That would be too primitive. Modern sociology works differently. The survey will have 147 questions.

"Please rate your emotional connection to the Latvian excise tax environment on a scale from 1 to 10."

"Do you experience a strengthening of cross-border identity while purchasing beer?"

"To what extent does the price of vodka contribute to regional cohesion among the Baltic States?"

Only after such an in-depth study can we arrive at a revolutionary conclusion: people like to buy where it is cheaper.

Especially touching is the explanation that the study will help combat misinformation.

This means that somewhere in society, a dangerous myth is circulating. Someone writes on social media:

"Estonians go to Latvia for cheaper alcohol."

Experts immediately appear:

— Stop! Do you have a sociological study worth 140,000 euros confirming this?

— No.

— Then it’s just an assumption.

I believe there is a much broader perspective hidden here. If we are studying the habits of Estonians and Lithuanians buying alcohol, why not go further? We could create an entire Baltic research program.

"Study on the motivations of residents of Estonia to buy fuel where it is cheaper."

"Study on the habits of residents of Lithuania to take advantage of sales."

"Study on the tendency of people to choose cheaper products when similar, more expensive ones are nearby."

That’s where the real golden age of science opens up.

However, I do not want to belittle this initiative. Science is important. Perhaps as a result of the study, an international conference will be organized. Experts from three countries will gather in a hotel conference room. A presentation with 67 slides will be displayed on the screen.

After two years of work, the lead researcher will rise and solemnly announce:

— Ladies and gentlemen, after careful analysis of the data, we have established the main reason.

A dead silence will fall over the hall.

— Alcohol in Latvia is sometimes cheaper.

Someone will drop their pen in excitement. Someone else will close an Excel spreadsheet. And everyone will understand that Baltic science has made another giant leap forward.

Because sometimes the path to an obvious conclusion can be very long.

About 140,000 euros long.