Family relationships are not always supportive and safe. A toxic sister, a parent who ignores your personal boundaries, or constant conflicts within the family can over time become a source of chronic stress and emotional pain. In situations where contact with loved ones systematically hurts and brings nothing but tension, cutting off communication — whether temporary or long-term — sometimes becomes a way to protect oneself. Licensed family therapist Carly Harris explains what distancing from relatives actually means and when it may be justified.
What It Means to Cut Off Contact with Relatives
Not communicating with a family member is primarily a conscious choice in favor of one's own mental health. According to Harris, it involves setting a clear boundary when a person intentionally ceases contact for a certain period or without specifying a date for resuming communication.
Such a decision is often made in cases where a relative has caused physical, psychological, or emotional harm. In this context, cutting off contact can be seen as a form of self-preservation and self-care.
Among the most common reasons people take this step, the therapist mentions:
- abuse or neglect;
- betrayal and systematic disrespect;
- addiction to alcohol or drugs;
- religious and political conflicts;
- criminal behavior;
- narcissistic traits;
- refusal to acknowledge and correct one's behavior;
- ignoring established boundaries;
- financial disputes.
If there are children in the family who may witness or be involved in toxic scenarios, distancing from the problematic relative can be a way to protect them from an unsafe environment and destructive relationship patterns.
Signs That Cutting Off Communication May Be Justified
You Have Started to Clearly See the Problem. Sometimes, strained relationships with a close person are long perceived as the "norm." However, over time, there may come a realization that constant endurance is destroying you. If you understand that the relative's behavior is traumatic and you cannot influence it, a temporary distance may become necessary.
All Other Options Have Been Tried. According to Harris, cutting off contact is a last resort. If you have tried to establish a dialogue, set boundaries, worked on yourself and ways of interaction, but nothing has changed, distancing may be a justified step for your own well-being.
The Negative Outweighs the Positive. Sometimes, there are individual "bright" moments in relationships that long justify the overall discomfort. But if, over time, the negative completely overshadows the rare positives, cutting off contact may provide space for a sober assessment of the situation.
You Need a Break. Sometimes it is not about a complete break but about a pause. During periods of high stress, crises, or personal changes, temporarily ceasing communication allows you to focus on yourself and restore your inner resources.
How to Understand if This Decision Is Right for You
Carly Harris recommends not making this decision alone. Discussing it with trusted friends or a psychotherapist helps weigh the pros and cons and honestly assess your role in the relationship.
If you have done everything possible on your part — tried to manage your emotions, clearly communicated your needs, and consistently defended your boundaries — but see no positive changes, cutting off contact may be a reasonable option. At the same time, it does not have to be final.
What to Do After Cutting Off Communication
If you have decided to distance yourself, it is important to clearly define the boundary and calmly explain its reason — to the relative themselves and to those who may be affected. In practice, this may include refusing personal meetings, limiting communication, or removing the person from social networks if their presence causes anxiety or pain.
Harris emphasizes that such a step is rarely taken lightly and may be accompanied by feelings of guilt or internal conflict. Support from a psychotherapist helps better understand your motivations and stay committed to a decision that truly serves your well-being.
If after this the relative continues to violate boundaries, it is important to consistently affirm them — ignore unwanted attempts at contact, block messages, and rely on the support of people who are willing to stand by you.
