His clothing is cozy and cute: a knitted sweater in dusty rose, suede shoes, and pastel wool socks.
In 2025, a new trend went viral online: the performative man. This refers to young men who carry canvas bags, drink cold green tea, read feminist literature, and generally display all the attributes of an image that, as sociologists say, has recently become increasingly appealing to women. We explore where the truth lies, where meta-irony exists, and where the 'red flags' are, and whether one should trust a man holding a book by a contemporary female writer.
A representative of this new embodiment of masculinity looks like this: he is a neat young man aged 20–30 with the energy of a good boy, sipping matcha tea, immersed in a novel by Sally Rooney or a collection of essays by Joan Didion, carrying a tote bag or shopper, using wired headphones, and exuding the aura of a supporter of all progressive trends. His clothing is cozy and cute: a knitted sweater in dusty rose, suede shoes, and pastel wool socks. A Labubu keychain, lip balm, sunscreen, and vanilla-scented wet wipes could all be part of his arsenal. In his avatar, this guy will likely have a photo against a backdrop of a shelf filled with trendy books and a potted plant. Meet the performative man!
The image of the 'good guy' who shares feminist values has taken root in certain circles of progressive young men and has since gone viral. Now it is a meme that circulates through forums and TikTok videos.
As The New York Times reports, this year competitions for the most authentic performative man were held in Seattle, New York, and even in Jakarta, the capital of Indonesia — those who best fit the above stereotype won. Participants who showed up with tote bags, fake mustaches, and even vinyl records in hand had to successfully 'pass an exam' on the basics of feminist theory. Similar competitions have since taken place in London and at Ivy League universities.
The 'performative' nature of men has become not only a manifestation of meta-irony but also a reflection of the transformations in gender roles and demands occurring in society.
How It All Started
The emergence of the 'performative man' was first noticed on social media in 2024–2025. In July 2025, the query 'performative male' topped Google trends. The audience's reaction to the image of the good boy was mixed. On TikTok, videos with the hashtag #performativemale garnered tens of millions of views, while media outlets published articles throughout the year with headlines like 'Three Signs Your Boyfriend is a Performative Man,' 'How to Spot a Performative Man in the Wild,' and even 'Where to Find Performative Men in Miami.'
Some publications took a critical stance towards the phenomenon, including The Times, which released an article titled: 'Girls, if you see a guy with a matcha cup — run,' and Vice with a piece titled 'Zoomers Created a New Type of Man to Avoid.'
Others attempt to philosophically reflect on this phenomenon. The official newspaper of the University of the Philippines, Philippine Collegian, published an essay titled 'What Lessons About Identity and Self-Expression Can Be Learned from the Image of the Performative Man and Other Archetypes.' The Washington Post published an article titled 'Social Media is Obsessed with Performative Men, Also Known as “Men.”' The editorial team of The Washington Post asked readers to share their opinions on the concept of 'performative men.' Below the article, there were over 200 comments, including a warning: 'If men use such tactics to deceive trusting women into believing they are as sensitive and informed as their appearance suggests, they are merely deceiving themselves, successfully delaying (but only slightly) the moment when a woman rejects them.'
In October 2025, Men's Health magazine presented its perspective on the phenomenon. The article states that regardless of the form, the performative man cares less about genuine personal growth and more about appearance. 'This is masculinity as performance; it is an identity constructed for approval, not an authentic self,' shares psychologist Kyler Shamway with the publication. 'In reality, such men are not putting on a performance for women but rather are simply trying to behave like the type of men women have been taught to choose,' concludes Men's Health.
What Are You
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a performative man is 'a pejorative term for a man who insincerely performs certain actions or displays behavior to appear safe/educated/pro-feminist, with the aim of pleasing women.'
In an interview with CTV News, Professor Kate Maddalena from the University of Toronto explains that 'performative' in this case indicates that we are dealing with a theatrical presentation rather than real characteristics of a person. In other words, it refers to men who adopt certain images to demonstrate emotional intelligence and cultural awareness because they know it will earn them points in the eyes of women.
Thus, externally, the performative man appears soft and conscious, but in reality, he is merely imitating these characteristics to attract attention and please.
However, the condemnation behind this term is directed not only against pretense but seemingly also against those men who genuinely enjoy matcha, feminism, and Joan Didion. By labeling every person who fits this image as 'performative,' we seem to deny that men are capable of loving women's literature or prefer listening to music through wired headphones, warns the author of the independent student newspaper The Daily Tar Heel at the University of North Carolina.
Some see the behavior of 'good boys' not so much as acting and an attempt to appear nice, but rather as a desire to ironically reflect on themselves. As Forbes USA writes, performative men have become a form of self-irony for Generation Z. 'Irony acts as a shield,' writes columnist Kian Bakhtyari, who specializes in generational issues. 'It protects young people from the risk of 'overdoing it' or appearing 'cringe' to someone. In a world where all your actions can be screenshotted and turned into a meme, being sincere can be dangerous.'
An ironic attitude towards the phenomenon can also be found in numerous photo collections from social media, like the one compiled by the British Daily Mail: here are guys demonstratively 'reading' an upside-down book by Sylvia Plath, and happy owners of three Labubu keychains. It is evident that this is intentional mockery.
What Do Women Want
'The image of the performative man is a consequence of a counter-movement of the pendulum,' says psychologist, EMDR therapist, and lecturer at Lomonosov Moscow State University Svetlana Shulakova. 'For a long time, a person needed physical safety, and the image of the 'brutal male' could provide that safety both for the man himself and for the woman who chose him. Now our lives are relatively safer, the struggle for survival, as in the Stone Age, is no longer ongoing, so our needs are less and less related to vitality and more and more to feelings and emotional comfort.'
Namrata Jain, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, commented for the Times of India: 'For generations, men have been rewarded for dominance. Now they are being told to be vulnerable. Not everyone knows how to live with this change, so some try to simply portray what the audience wants to see.'
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