Quarrels and Peace: 8 Principles of Harmony in Family Relationships 0 10

— Don’t postpone. Try to share your emotions, desires, and problems as they arise, rather than waiting for the situation to become critical. Accumulated dissatisfaction can erupt over trivial matters and at the most unexpected moments. Moreover, the fears of loved ones about what is being kept silent often turn out to be more frightening than the reality itself. For example, if there is a possibility of being fired, a person may try to shield the family from worry, but this can ultimately lead to unexpected stress that is much harder to deal with than gradually increasing tension.

Explain your feelings. Conflicts often arise from unspoken words (“I’m right, so there’s no need to explain”). On the contrary, many quarrels are resolved when a person shares their thoughts and expectations. If something is wrong, it’s better to talk about it. Loved ones need to know why you seem gloomy so they can support and understand you, rather than asking questions like, “What’s going on?”

Avoid accusations. When we are dissatisfied with a relationship, it seems natural to voice complaints. However, it is more helpful to talk about what exactly is causing the dissatisfaction, why it is important to you, and what you want. In other words, it’s better to ask than to make demands. Try not to hurt your loved ones by emphasizing that you are sharing your feelings, not demanding something from them.

Accept emotions — tears, anger, etc. Our culture often prohibits the expression of emotions. We become confused and don’t know how to react. When a person is upset and crying, we say, “Don’t cry.” If they are angry, we might say, “Calm down, it’s not a big deal.” A person may calm down, but will still feel misunderstood, which only exacerbates the situation. Allow them to express themselves and respond with, “I understand why you’re angry. That’s really unpleasant.” You may not agree with a loved one’s actions, but it’s important to understand how they came to that decision. This will help maintain mutual understanding even in disagreements.

Switch between work and home. If a person comes home and continues to think about work, their spouse and children may feel unimportant. It’s necessary to disconnect from work matters, finish calls, and focus on family. On the other hand, it’s not advisable to immediately share all accumulated questions and tasks with someone who has just come home. Sometimes it’s helpful to establish a time frame, for example, the first half hour after arriving home can be spent alone, having a cup of tea or reading a book.

Don’t compare to an ideal. Attempts to change each other are a futile endeavor. It’s important to strive for acceptance and understanding, rather than fitting into certain frameworks. A man is not just a pile of scattered socks. When we see a whole person behind everyday trivialities, it’s easier to come to terms with their shortcomings. If we remember the different qualities, the positive aspects may outweigh the negative ones. After all, this is the person you chose, or your child whom you raised.

Build a foundation of trust. Communicate, share what you like, visit places that interest both of you. This will help you get to know each other better and strengthen trust. Shared emotions play an important role. When difficulties arise, people understand that it’s just a misunderstanding that needs clarification. All families go through difficult moments, and they differ only in how well they can “repair” their relationships.

Take care of each other. In times of uncertainty and anxiety, try to maintain close relationships. They are more important than differing opinions about what is happening. Perspectives can change, as can situations, but good relationships are built over time and require careful attention. Don’t risk them over political or other disagreements. Having support nearby will help you cope with any difficulties.