We tend to think that relationships are about support and care. And it’s true: during difficult times, it’s normal to help each other. But there is a fine line between "offering a shoulder" and "carrying an adult person who simply doesn’t want to make an effort."
Sometimes it all starts innocently — with coffee that you paid for "this time." And then it suddenly turns out that this "time" has been going on for several months. It’s not about the money, but about the system.
Here are the signals that may raise red flags during the first dates.
Constant Financial "Emergencies"
He always has something happening. His salary is delayed. The ATM "swallowed" his card. He urgently needs to help relatives. The problems seem endless — only the scenery changes.
If you regularly pay for dates under the pretext of his "temporary difficulties," it’s worth considering: is this really temporary or is it a lifestyle?
The Classic Move — "I Forgot My Wallet"
When the bill arrives, the performance begins. He checks his pockets, remembers another jacket, a dead phone, an unlinked card, or a lack of change.
Once — it happens. Twice — it’s a coincidence. But if this turns into a tradition, you are no longer in a romantic story, but in a script with a predictable ending.
He Admires Your "Self-Sufficiency"
"You are so strong, you achieved everything on your own," he says while you are paying for groceries or dinner. The compliments sound nice, but they may hide a convenient strategy: to turn your financial initiative into proof of your independence.
And the cherry on top — the promise to "pay it all back" as soon as he "gets his affairs in order."
Everyone is to Blame Except Him
He doesn’t have a job not because he’s lazy, but because he’s "too talented for the system." The bosses are tyrants. Interviews are pointless. The office is inconveniently located.
The list of reasons is endless. But the result is the same — no income.
He Settles in Too Quickly at Your Place
First, a toothbrush "accidentally" stays in the bathroom. Then a laptop appears. Within a week, he’s already opening your fridge like it’s his own.
This is how a soft, almost imperceptible expansion of his presence in your space — and in your resources — begins.
He Doesn’t Contribute to Household Expenses
Even if he lives with you, he doesn’t buy basic items — from groceries to cleaning supplies. The phrase "we have everything in common" in his interpretation usually means: what’s common is yours.
Small Transfers "Until Payday"
Sometimes for gas, sometimes for cigarettes, or "to borrow a couple of hundred." The amounts are small — it feels awkward to refuse. But if you add it all up, it would amount to a sum that could cover a vacation.
Grand Plans Without Action
He talks about future projects, business, travels, and a carefree life. But right now, he doesn’t even have money for transport.
You are fed promises of a bright future — so that you can support him in the present.
He Disappears When It Comes to Responsibility
As soon as you bring up a joint budget or ask for real help — he has urgent matters or a bad mood.
Sometimes this is accompanied by manipulation: "I’m already having a hard time, and you’re putting pressure on me." And suddenly, you feel guilty.
You’re Afraid of Looking "Mercenary"
The most alarming signal is your own feelings. If you start to think that asking for equal contribution is greed, it means someone has very carefully instilled this thought in you.
It’s the feeling of guilt that is the main tool of a person who is used to living at someone else’s expense.
It’s important to remember: healthy relationships are built on reciprocity. Support is a temporary measure, not a permanent scheme. And if you feel that you are being used, perhaps your intuition has understood everything a long time ago — it’s just time to listen to it.
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