Compliments are pleasant words that usually boost mood. But sometimes phrases that sound like praise conceal hidden criticism or devaluation. Psychologists refer to such statements as "backhanded" or hidden compliments — they can not only fail to raise self-esteem but also evoke feelings of discomfort or pressure.
What Are Hidden Compliments?
Hidden compliments are statements that appear positive at first glance but carry an additional subtext that undermines the recipient's confidence. In English-speaking psychology, such phrases are often referred to as backhanded compliments, where praise is accompanied by a hidden jab or insinuation.
7 Phrases That May Hurt You
"You look so good — you wouldn't guess how old you are!" — a phrase that implies age as a potential flaw.
"You're so brave to wear that" — suggests that the clothing or style is unconventional and requires "bravery" rather than just taste.
"You're very smart for a woman" — this compliment compares intelligence to a "typical" view of women, which can sound like a sexist stereotype.
"I couldn't do that — you probably have a lot of free time" — words that reduce a person's efforts to "idleness" or vague busyness.
"Have you lost weight? You look better that way" — praise for the figure conceals an evaluation of the previous appearance as "bad."
"You're so natural — completely without makeup" — may imply that without makeup, the person is "not great."
"I would never have thought you would achieve that" — a compliment that emphasizes disbelief in the recipient's success.
Why Do Such Phrases Hurt?
Expressions with hidden meanings can lower self-confidence because they contain comparisons, conditions, or doubts. Psychology explains this not only through individual experiences but also through social stereotypes that influence the perception of words. A true compliment leaves no "aftertaste" and is perceived without ulterior meanings.
How to React?
Psychologists recommend focusing on your reaction: if a phrase leaves a feeling of awkwardness, doubt, or pressure — it is likely not a sincere compliment. A polite and calm response can help set boundaries, for example: "Thank you, but I don't perceive it that way" or a clarifying question: "What exactly did you mean?".
...Not all words that sound like compliments are truly so. It is important to distinguish genuine praise from hidden criticism and to react to your emotional feeling about what was said. Understanding such nuances helps build more honest and respectful communication with others.
