What is gentle parenting and how does it help strengthen the bond with a child 0 36

If you believe that the role of adults is to remain an unquestionable authority for children, this parenting style may not be for you. Its essence is not to completely control the child, but to guide them, interacting as a team.

From the perspective of gentle parenting, behavior is a form of communication, and any associated experiences should be acknowledged. Children have their own emotions, and gentle parenting encourages adults to empathize with these emotions, help the child calm down if needed, and then discuss what they felt and why they behaved in a certain way.

What principles is gentle parenting based on

Empathy

This is a key element. Parents, even with the best intentions, often diminish or completely ignore the emotions and experiences of the child. This makes the child feel that they do not matter and that their opinion is of no interest to anyone.

Gentle parenting urges adults to consider children's experiences and try to understand the reasons for their behavior before reacting to what is happening.

Boundaries

It may seem that gentle parenting excludes discipline, and the child's undesirable behavior goes without consequences. This is one of the main misconceptions associated with this parenting style. In reality, it is quite the opposite.

There is a significant difference between a lack of discipline and a lack of punishment. Gentle parenting relies on maintaining boundaries that are established through joint discussion and defining natural consequences. In this approach, discipline for parents means the opportunity to help the child learn a lesson on their own and understand why their behavior is unacceptable. For example, a natural consequence of refusing to brush teeth is bad breath, and later, cavities.

In this way, gentle parenting is strikingly different from other approaches, where punishment is not always directly related to the offense, such as parents taking away a teenager's tablet because they are being sassy.

Gentle parenting advocates for setting boundaries that promote a healthy, stable environment in the family and create an atmosphere of love. The limits of what is acceptable may vary in different families, but it is assumed that the foundation is always communication between parents and children and discussing mutual expectations. For example:

A child is allowed to spend a certain amount of time with a tablet every day. One day, they extend this time without asking. But instead of punishing them, the parents ask how many hours they think they should spend on the gadget and together come to a reasonable decision.

A teenager constantly invites friends over for sleepovers. Parents explain why this is not the best decision, pointing out natural consequences such as lack of sleep and not having enough time to do homework. The family decides to take a break and temporarily stop sleepovers to establish the rules under which they will occur.

Respect

In gentle parenting, adults are not authoritarian figures to the child. And the child should not respect "parents in a vacuum." This means that moms and dads need to ensure that they communicate with their son or daughter in an encouraging and respectful tone, rather than a condescending and dismissive one.

The simplest way to demonstrate respect is to listen to the child when they speak, ask questions, and only then respond.

Understanding

When a child feels that they are being listened to and understood, they are much more likely to turn to their parents when facing difficulties. Moreover, with this approach, children will be more willing to heed the words of adults and follow their rules.

Some manifestations of childhood and adolescent behavior can be very difficult to deal with. One can explain to the child day and night why they are wrong, exhausting all efforts, and they will still throw a tantrum. In such moments, it is important to remember that the child's behavior is not a direct reflection of parenting. An important aspect of gentle parenting is understanding the developmental characteristics of children at different ages and not expecting them to behave maturely for their age. The job of moms and dads is to be present and try to establish close, trusting relationships with their son or daughter.

Should you apply the principles of gentle parenting

Of course, only you can decide how suitable gentle parenting is for you and your family. However, it is quite an interesting parenting style with many advantages:

• It helps the child develop self-confidence, independence, stable self-esteem, and strong emotional regulation skills.

• It teaches the child empathy by helping them understand how their actions affect their parents.

• It gives parents the opportunity to motivate the child by helping them solve problems and guiding them on the right path.

• It improves social skills and clearly shows the child how to interact effectively with others.

• It strengthens family relationships, makes communication easier, and reduces conflicts.

On the other hand, gentle parenting has its downsides. This approach takes a lot of time because adults need to develop patience and genuinely try to understand the child. They will have to let go of familiar parenting methods and learn new ones.

Gentle parenting does not encourage raising one's voice. Parents must remain calm so that the child remains calm as well. When adults yell, they provoke a similar reaction in return. Instead, gentle parenting offers open communication and a firm tone when necessary.

But in real life, moments when parents lose their temper are not uncommon. We are all human, and it is natural for people to lose patience. We can get angry, snap, and create a scene. In such situations, gentle parenting encourages smoothing things over by acknowledging one's mistake and sincerely apologizing. For example: "You know, I need to apologize for yelling at you. I was very upset and didn’t want to do that. I know it doesn’t help at all. I will try to stay calm, even when I am upset."

Unlike other styles, gentle parenting takes into account one important element — the ability of parents to regulate their own emotions and behavior. It focuses on self-awareness, self-discipline, and the ability to act rather than react. At the same time, many moms and dads, no matter how grown-up they are, are still learning how to behave appropriately.

That is why gentle parenting is quite a challenging parenting style for parents. They are required to model effective communication for the child, even though they themselves may not yet fully understand how it works. Many parents who try this approach feel guilty for trying to be gentle with their child, but it doesn’t always work out.