Sometimes a family looks prosperous: the husband is caring, does not cheat, helps, does not drink or hit, but inside — there is emptiness. Without quarrels and drama, but also without warmth. You live as expected and out of inertia, but this silence only becomes heavier, because everything seems fine, yet there is no happiness, drive, or sparkling chemistry. This state is not uncommon, and it is important not to make hasty decisions, but to figure out: what is really missing, and whether it can be restored. Psychologist Marat Vakhtov provided advice on what to do in such a situation.
Separate Love, Attachment, and Habit
Psychologists often say: feelings do not disappear suddenly — they flow into one another. Sometimes love becomes a quiet attachment, sometimes it turns into friendship or kinship. "This is not necessarily bad. But if you and the person next to you have no desire, no interest, and no emotional response, it is worth honestly acknowledging: you are living out of obligation. Attachment can be respected, but it cannot nourish the soul. The first step is to name things as they are, without guilt," says the expert.
Check if Love is Hidden Under Fatigue
Many women after several years of marriage stop feeling anything resembling tenderness and attraction not because love has died, but because they have burned out. Monotony, household responsibilities, emotional strain, lack of attention to oneself — all of this dulls any manifestations of feelings. Sometimes what is needed is not a divorce, but a break: a vacation away from daily life, a pause in responsibilities, working on the body and mind — and feelings suddenly emerge from under the layer of fatigue. Before making a decision, try to truly rest, not just catch up on sleep.
Understand What You are Seeking Behind the Word "Divorce"
Divorce is not always about leaving a person. Often it is an attempt to escape from an internal sticky icy silence, from the feeling that life has stopped. "It is important to answer yourself honestly: what do you want — another love, freedom, new meanings, recognition? Or do you need changes that can be achieved within the marriage? Write this down and analyze it. It may turn out that the issue is not with your husband, but with personal boundaries and self-fulfillment," asserts the psychologist.
Do Not Confuse Calmness with Indifference
Sometimes a marriage seems unviable simply because it has become calm. After tumultuous relationships, silence is perceived as a lack of feelings. But mature love rarely resembles a fireworks display. Sometimes you need to take a closer look: perhaps it is not the person that scares you, but the calmness to which you are unaccustomed. Try to work on aspects of novelty, look at yourself and your husband differently — sometimes a couple comes alive not after a scandal, but after shared laughter over trivial matters.
Make a Decision from Clarity, Not from Fatigue
If conversations, pauses, therapy, and attempts to revive the marriage are not working, it is important not to torment yourself with a sense of duty. Being there out of pity or fear is also a form of betrayal. But leaving should not be out of resentment, but with understanding: you have done everything possible. Then divorce will not be an escape, but an honest conclusion of a phase.
The main mistake is to endure, thinking that gratitude will replace feelings; it will not. But before leaving, you need to reconnect with yourself: understand where love ended and where self-attention began. A decision made not out of fatigue, but from inner clarity, will always be the right one — whether you stay with your husband or move on.
Leave a comment