If you struggle to assert personal boundaries and say "no," then this text is for you. It is also suitable for those who have noticed that people openly take advantage of their capabilities and time without offering anything in return. And this is not just about money and praise, but about mutual help and support.
You may have recognized yourself and are waiting for explanations, so we offer to delve into everything in detail. In psychology, people who want to please everyone are called "people-pleasers." They place the needs of others above their own, often out of fear of feeling unnecessary or being rejected in a certain community. Each of them has characteristic behavioral traits and reasons for their actions. Let's start with the classification and then move on to the advice of psychologist Anna Glushneva on how to stop pleasing others, and find out why it is harmful.
"Conflict Avoider"
Conflict avoiders will do everything to peacefully resolve a situation, even if it means compromising their principles. They agree to do things they don't want to do: from attending uninteresting events to fulfilling strange requests. Since such people approach the task at hand responsibly, they ultimately feel offended, disappointed, and lonely.
"Over-Accommodator"
We believe there are people among your acquaintances or colleagues who say "yes" to any task and then stay up late at night to solve them. These are the "over-accommodators" – people prone to taking on too much responsibility, despite a lack of free time and energy. They tend to be perfectionists and have a compliant nature.
"Over-accommodators" unconditionally fulfill others' requests. However, they also benefit from the situation. The thing is, they are dependent on praise and recognition, so they expect rewards for every good deed.
"Straight-A Student"
People of this type have learned from childhood that approval comes after certain actions, such as successful schooling. In the mind of a "straight-A student," there is a strong connection between achievements and recognition. For example, they are willing to work overtime, do their job perfectly, just to be noticed.
"Chameleon"
The "chameleon" adapts to those around them. They laugh at terrible jokes, go on trips that are beyond their budget, and say what others want to hear. To please someone, the "chameleon" carefully studies their interests and uses the information to get closer. However, after each unsuccessful acquaintance, they suffer. Their main fear is being rejected.
"Approval Seeker"
The "approval seeker" analyzes people's reactions to their words and actions to understand with whom it is beneficial to interact. Such people fear disappointing others, so they replay conversations and situations that may occur in the future in their heads. In this way, "approval seekers" reduce the risk of negative responses to their words and actions.
"Caretaker"
The "caretaker" is a kind of rescuer. They take responsibility for others' emotions and problems, constantly trying to help someone. The "caretaker" is willing to cancel personal plans to comfort a friend, even if they themselves are in a bad mood. They find it hard to say "no" and set boundaries in communication. However, to be fair, they do not suffer much from their actions because they feel needed. And this is essential for the "caretaker."
How Does the Desire to Please Everyone Harm?
Anna Glushneva, Psychologist
It turns out that the desire to please everyone does not go unnoticed. It harms both mental and physical health. Psychologist Anna Glushneva explained why it is dangerous to try to please everyone.
Firstly, you experience emotional exhaustion: constant attempts to please those around you can cause stress and fatigue because you are trying to meet others' expectations. The fact is that a huge amount of energy and time is spent on creating an image that is different from our inner state.
Secondly, the desire to please everyone can lead to the suppression of one's own desires and preferences, making it difficult to express one's true self. Here, there is a loss of individuality, meaning you cease to be in touch with yourself.
There can also be difficulties in building relationships, not only personal but also business ones. If you are too focused on pleasing everyone, this can lead to superficial relationships, as others may not see your true self. And even if you please your interlocutor, it does not guarantee that both parties will be happy. On the contrary, it may lead to feelings of dissatisfaction.
The problem is that the desire to please everyone can distract from more important tasks and goals, hindering personal and professional development.
How to Stop Wanting to Please Everyone?
Of course, we all want to make a good impression on our interlocutor, but this can be done without harming ourselves. To learn to build healthy communication and remain yourself, it is enough to follow simple recommendations.
Determine what is truly important to you. This will help you make decisions based on your own interests. Understanding your needs is the first step to breaking the vicious cycle. Here is the simplest exercise: write down 10 points on the topic "what is important to me."
Learn to say "no" and set boundaries. This is important for preserving your time and energy. Write down the names of five people whose communication brings you the most discomfort. Think about how to start saying "no" to them. Work on this topic with a psychologist if necessary.
And, in the end, do not refuse help. Communicate with people who understand and support you. This will allow you to feel more confident in your decisions. Share your pain with close friends or professionals.
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