Is your child ready to learn about sex? But how to talk about it without embarrassment? A psychologist shares secrets for a delicate conversation.
Expert - Irina Merkulova, Psychologist
Sex is a natural part of life, yet discussing this topic with children is somehow more difficult than quantum physics, and even the most confident parents can lose their words when faced with "awkward" questions. Many postpone the conversation about intimacy, hoping that it will "clarify itself somehow," or even shift the responsibility to school, the internet, or peers.
Why should parents be the first to convey the basics of sexual relationships to their children? What and how should they talk so that the dialogue about "this" flows easily, and the child receives the most accurate, emotionally neutral, and age-appropriate information? This is what our article is about.
Why Silence is the Worst Option?
Parental silence or ambiguity does not protect children; it only leaves them alone with guesses, myths, and possibly distorted views about sex. If a child is asking intimate questions, they will certainly seek answers, and if not from their parents, then elsewhere: from friends, the internet, or casual conversations. And there is no guarantee that this information will be correct and suitable for a child's understanding.
Moreover, open conversation builds trust among family members. If a child gets used to discussing "awkward" topics calmly and without shame from an early age, they will know they can come to you with any question – including during adolescence when topics of sex, relationships, and personal boundaries become particularly relevant.
Why Parents? The Main Reasons Not to Shift Responsibility
Parents know their child best: their level of development, emotional maturity, and ability to process information. They can choose the right words, notice interest or anxiety in time, and respond in a way that does not frighten or confuse.
Of course, a child can hear about sex from other people, but these explanations may either be too simplistic – like "children are found in cabbages" – or, conversely, overly explicit and even traumatic. A parent can moderate the information and present it as gently as possible, based on their experience and intuition.
When to Start "Awkward" Conversations?
There is no universal answer – it all depends on the specific child. Some may be curious about where they came from at three years old, while others may show no interest in this topic until they are ten.
The main rule for parents is not to rush things, but also not to avoid the conversation if the child wants answers. If they are asking, it means they are ready to hear the answer. If they are silent, you can gently initiate the conversation: for example, by discussing books about the human body or cartoons that touch on the topic of birth.
How to Tell the Truth Without Blushing: Preparation for Parents
First of all, it is important to understand the topic yourself. Of course, there is no need to memorize the relevant medical terms, but it is definitely worth thinking about how to explain the intimate side of human life in simple words. You can, for example, seek support from literature on child psychology or specialized articles on sexual education for youth.
Equally important is your internal attitude: if a parent feels embarrassed or afraid of the conversation, the child will sense this and conclude that the topic is shameful. Therefore, before the conversation, it is helpful to calm down and focus on the main point: you are not lecturing the child, but helping them understand the world.
How to Create a Comfortable Atmosphere: Preparing the Child
It is best to start conversations about male and female bodies and sexual relationships gradually, in everyday situations. For example, during bath time, you can name body parts and explain that some of them are intimate and should not be shown to strangers.
If the child sees a pregnant woman, you can discuss how the baby grows and how they themselves developed and got older. The main thing is to convey that this topic can be talked about calmly and without shame.
What to Talk About: A Brief "Guide" by Age
Start with the basics: explain that people have different bodies, but each is beautiful in its own way.
Talk about personal boundaries: for example, explain that no one has the right to touch a person without their consent.
As they grow older, you can add details: preschoolers need to know that children come from the love of their parents, younger schoolchildren should understand that conception requires male and female cells, while teenagers need to learn about physiological changes in the body, the importance of contraception, and that engaging in intimate relationships should only be done with mutual consent and an understanding of the responsibility for the consequences.
Mom, Dad, or Both: Who Should Start the Conversation
Ideally, both parents should be open to dialogue, but if one feels insecure, it is better for the one who is more comfortable to lead the conversation.
And of course, it is not necessary for only the mother to talk to her daughter about sex, while only the father talks to his son. Even if the family is incomplete, either parent is fully capable of explaining everything necessary to the child, even if it is "not their" gender topic.
As a last resort – if you feel uncertain, you can say: "I don’t know everything either, but let’s figure it out together."
"I’m Afraid": Tips for Anxious Parents
It is normal to be afraid of "adult" topics in conversations with your child. But it is even scarier to leave them without support or make them feel ashamed of natural questions. Therefore, it is not necessary to be the perfect storyteller – being honest is enough. If you don’t know the answer, say, "That’s a good question, let’s look for information together." If you feel embarrassed, admit, "I feel awkward too, but this is important."
The main thing is not to be silent and not to avoid interaction: an honest and trusting conversation today will protect the child from many complexes and mistakes in the future.
