Pause or End? What It Means When a Man Wants to Live Separately 0 7

In this case, it is obvious that the man is taking a pause because he has begun to doubt whether to continue or to sort out his feelings. However, attempts to understand one's feelings are made only when it is unclear what exactly a person feels, which means that it is not obvious to the man that love and the relationship between him and his partner are developing.

Here are possible reasons for such a decision:

• The partners have started to argue and fight too often, there are many disagreements, contradictions, and scandals; the man is tired of this and wants to take a breath, to look at the relationship in a calm state, so as not to act rashly.

• He is currently experiencing significant stress due to everything that is happening, which is not surprising, as he is distancing himself from almost all close ones.

• The partner is overly caring and attentive; she has become too much, turning into a mother figure instead of a beloved girlfriend, and his attraction has diminished. In this case, the partner wants to understand if he can feel for her as he did before and desire her as he did at the beginning of the relationship.

• The love boat has crashed against everyday life, romance has ended, and gray routine has set in; in other words, infatuation has passed, the hormonal storm has calmed down, and the man looks at the relationship with a sober, perhaps even disappointed, perspective, realizing that he does not want to continue this relationship but is not ready to take responsibility for the breakup and wants to do it "more gently," through a pause.

• The relationship has picked up too rapid a pace for him, activating what is known as intimacy phobia — that is, the fear of emotional closeness, which scared him, and he decided to back off, but this does not mean that the relationship will end.

• One cannot exclude the possibility of a new infatuation, which the man is currently considering.

So, how to react to this and what to do:

• There is no point in disagreeing, trying to convince, or throwing a tantrum if the partner has already made a decision — it is best to accept it. It is worth agreeing, but on the condition that since he is taking a pause, the partner should too; if he needs to think about the relationship and sort himself out, then she should as well. Agree on whether you will communicate or not. It is better to avoid sex altogether, as well as meetings; if you decide to communicate, it should only be online.

• It is important to ask whether he considers himself free during the pause and plans to meet other girls. If yes, then the partner can do the same.

These agreements are very important for the comfortable emotional state of both, for maintaining self-respect, and even for preserving the relationship.

• After the partners have separated for a while, one should accept that everything is likely heading towards a breakup.

If this feels very painful, one should tell oneself — "This is temporary; maybe someday we will be together, but I don’t know when." One can even imagine that he has gone on a long business trip. This will help dull the pain but will not give hope that he will return soon, and after a while, it will become easier to accept the fact of a final breakup.

• Continue to live one’s life, filling it with meaning and favorite activities.

• Regarding sex with other men, each woman should decide for herself — if there is a need to get close to another man, then there is no room for guilt; if an internal barrier remains — it is important to listen to and feel oneself.

Milana SOKOLOVA, psychologist-sexologist.