When an adult son has a partner that causes rejection in the mother, strong emotions often arise within — anxiety, irritation, resentment. Sometimes this leads to tension that threatens to disrupt the family.
Such feelings are rarely discussed openly because a mother is expected to provide unconditional acceptance and support. But in practice, it is more complicated: with a new person in her son's life, the family dynamics change as well. Psychologist Radmila Bakirova explains how to cope with this emotional challenge without damaging the relationship with your own child.
Often the Reason Is Not the Girl Herself
At first glance, it may seem that you simply dislike your son's girlfriend's behavior, habits, or character. But in reality, such feelings are often related to the fact that the young man is no longer as emotionally close as he used to be and spends more time focusing not on his parents but on his new role as a partner. These changes can be perceived as a loss of one's previous place in life.
The psychologist notes that when attention is focused on the mother's feelings and experiences, the tension within her decreases, and the situation stops feeling like a "war with a person."
An Adult Son Is an Adult Person
Even if it seems that he is making a mistake or choosing the wrong partner, it is important to remember that the life of an adult is his responsibility. Attempts to persuade, pressure, or emotionally manipulate almost inevitably lead to distance. The more pressure there is from the outside, the more estranged the young man becomes.
Therefore, the key step is to move from confrontation to dialogue, respecting the son's independence and his right to make his own choices.
Your Son's Girlfriend Is Not a Rival
Sometimes a mother unconsciously perceives her son's girlfriend as a competitor, especially if the bond with the child was previously very close. This is a natural but mistaken reaction: the son finds himself between two important women and is forced to choose a side. This dynamic always heightens tension.
Acceptance here does not mean friendship or love for his partner, but rather a refusal to fight for a "place that can no longer be returned to its former state."
The Importance of Personal Resilience
It is particularly important how much the mother's life is filled with interests, activities, and relationships outside of her role as a parent. If all energy has been focused on the son, his maturation and change of priorities will be felt as a loss of support.
Having personal goals, hobbies, a social life, and emotional resilience makes the situation less painful. It helps to endure changes while maintaining a warm connection, but in a different capacity.
What Really Helps
The psychologist emphasizes: it is not so much about changing the son's relationship or "breaking" his choice, but rather understanding your feelings and the reasons that caused them. The more honestly you can admit to yourself what exactly troubles you, the easier it will be to adjust and adapt to the new family reality.
Relationships can survive this transition if you respect your son's adulthood, are ready to accept the loss of the previous format of closeness, and focus on your own well-being.
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