Virtual Affections: How Social Media Blurs the Concept of Fidelity in a Couple

Likes and comments under photos of other women, and even more so, conversations have been troubling women in serious relationships or marriages for over a decade. It seems absurd. The virtual world cannot be compared to reality; it feels as if everything is not real there. But sometimes it turns out that it is precisely with harmless signs of attention that a real romance begins, flowing into secret, passionate meetings. Psychologist Ekaterina Makarova explained what can actually be considered infidelity and the reliable signs of impending unfaithfulness.

Just a Like or a Bad Sign?

She immediately outlined four strategies of a partner who "hangs out" on social media, looking at pictures of unavailable but desirable beauties. The first option is to not hide from his beloved woman that sometimes he wants to compliment another for her achievements, pleasant appearance, or simply a colorful photo. The second is to stubbornly assert that no women interest him anymore in principle. It’s quite hard to believe that, as even the most faithful and worthy man cannot resist the sight of a pretty girl.

"The third option is to secretly compliment another without revealing his feelings and reactions to his partner. This option is murky, dangerous; it implies a hidden personal space, an unsafe partner atmosphere, and distrust. If this happens to you, then you need family therapy, or at least a serious revision of your relationship," warns Ekaterina.

Adequate Approach vs. Pathology

The expert emphasizes that the attitude of both partners towards the significance of virtual signs of attention plays a major role. If both view looking at someone else's photos as entertainment, checking social media to see what others are up to and to show themselves — then there’s nothing criminal about it. But if a spouse or beloved one (or you yourself) is deliberately searching for the accounts of unfamiliar beauties, or perhaps former classmates or partners, then it’s time to be cautious. Men often do not even realize that they would like to get to know a particular woman better, but the affection already stirs them internally.

So should you wait for your beloved to take the initiative and invite another on a date? Here the psychologist gives a clear answer. You are unlikely to be able to adjust his plans if they have already formed. And you can’t follow him everywhere. Overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts about infidelity, women may fantasize that acts of adultery occur not only "online" but also at work, in the subway, at corporate events, and so on.

This is Where You Need to Sound the Alarm

"If you are bothered by the fact that your partner, upon entering social media, liked several posts, and you monitor whom he dedicated his reactions to, comparing yourself to them, getting upset that someone is better than you, feeling anxious, and not trusting your partner, then I have a question about your self-esteem. Start working on yourself before making claims against your partner," advises Makarova.

If his "looking at" beautiful pictures is a result of a crisis in your relationship, he is eyeing someone else because he has given up on fixing things with you and wants to start anew, then his likes are a solution that simply hasn’t reached the conscious level.

"If a crisis has entered your couple, then not only are your likes in trouble, but also other forms of understanding and communication. Isn’t it time to face the truth, acknowledge the difficulties, and talk openly and honestly with each other?" concludes the psychologist.