Emotional hunger is a state of deficiency in support and acceptance that is often confused with love. Both feelings are associated with strong attachment, but their motives, focus, and consequences for relationships are fundamentally different.
Have you ever noticed a desire to be in a couple, even if you don't have genuine feelings for the person? Some people are frightened by loneliness, while others are simply attracted to attention. Sometimes it seems that a strong infatuation or attraction to relationships is already true love, but in reality, it may be hiding emotional hunger. It manifests as a desire to fill an inner void and a feeling of lack of support, care, and attention.
Psychologist Olga Romaniv explains this phenomenon in more detail.
What is emotional hunger?
This term describes a state in which a person chronically lacks support, acceptance, and a sense of significance. Most often, such hunger is formed in childhood or in early relationships when basic needs for safety, attention, and warmth were met inconsistently or inadequately.
In adulthood, it is not easy to directly recognize this deficiency. However, it manifests through a constant search for validation of one’s worth in relationships with others.
Main signs:
- Increased need for attention and validation of significance
A person needs to constantly receive expressions of love and approval. The absence of such signals causes anxiety, irritation, or a sense of rejection.
- Rapid emotional closeness and idealization of the partner
The partner's qualities are perceived excessively positively, while potential difficulties are ignored. Any changes in the partner's behavior are experienced painfully and intensify the feeling of instability.
- Lack of internal fulfillment
Even when in a relationship, the feeling of emptiness persists. This leads to new demands on the partner and an increase in emotional tension.
Why is it mistaken for love?
A lack of support and acceptance generates a strong desire for closeness. There is a feeling that only the partner can provide calmness, confidence, and stability. This can be perceived as a deep feeling, as it evokes intense emotions, constant thoughts about the other person, and a fear of losing them.
The difference lies in the focus of the experiences. In emotional hunger, attention is concentrated on one’s own feelings and needs, rather than on the partner's personality. A person seeks not so much interaction as a source to replenish their internal deficit.
Love implies an interest in the partner as an independent individual. Here, respect, acceptance, and a willingness to consider boundaries are present. Closeness is formed gradually and is not accompanied by an obsessive fear of loss.
In love, a person feels whole and stable regardless of constant contact with the partner. Relationships provide new energy rather than replenish its deficit. The key difference is that there is no dependency between lovers, as the emotional connection is supported from both sides.
Why is it important to distinguish these states?
If one does not understand the difference between emotional hunger and love, the risk of building dependent relationships increases. In such cases, the burden on the partner grows, and expectations become unattainable. Ultimately, this leads to disappointment and significant internal tension.
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