"Look who has come! Now go quickly and kiss grandma!" This ritual is familiar to many from childhood. Parents insist that their children kiss and hug relatives who have come from afar. Modern psychology suggests that children should not be forced to express their love when they are not inclined to do so, are shy, or simply do not want to.
The value of children's kisses and hugs lies in their sincerity; a child should demonstrate their love of their own volition. It is understandable that parents feel awkward if a grandmother, who has been waiting for months to meet her grandchild, is left without a kiss. However, it is precisely at this moment that the child needs your support, as this is not a whim but an attempt to establish their own boundaries.
The grandmother is not to blame; such behavior from the child does not mean she has done anything wrong. The child simply needs to decide for themselves how and when they will show their affection. Therefore, parents should accept this and find a way to navigate the awkward situation without upsetting the child or the “unloved” grandmother.
Like us adults, all children are different. Some may simply be shy and need a little time to adjust, and then they will smile, kiss, and hug the visiting relatives. If you notice the child's embarrassment caused by the arrival of a grandmother, aunt, or family friend, it is advisable to take the heat off. You can distract the little one by changing the subject or inviting everyone to the dining table, or you can simply turn on the television – during this “break,” the child will have time to adjust.
Relatives may feel offended. In this case, it is necessary to talk to them, explaining that you are helping your child establish their own boundaries in communication with people. Children from infancy should understand that in joint play or in “hugs and kisses,” participants engage by their own desire and mutual consent.
You cannot teach this to children while making exceptions for relatives and close friends, as the child will be confused – why should they throw kisses against their will in these cases?
Yes, this is a little person. But they have a sense of dignity! And it is more important than the dissatisfaction or embarrassment of an unkissed adult.
Leave a comment