Holidays are a time of warmth, decorated trees, and family gatherings. But what to do if a trip home could harm your emotional state? Let’s consider how to respectfully inform your family of your decision while maintaining your boundaries.
Rights to Personal Boundaries
Not every family knows how to respect personal space. This is especially noticeable in families with excessive emotional dependence, where constant control and closeness are expected.
Setting boundaries is brave and necessary. Your emotional health should be a priority, even if some relatives do not understand this. Remember: the anger or disappointment of loved ones is not your responsibility.
Inform in Advance, But Without Excessive Details
It’s better to inform about your absence as early as possible. This way, it will be easier for the family to adjust and not expect you during the holidays. For example:
“I know we usually celebrate together, but I won’t be able to come this year. Thank you for understanding.”
There’s no need to go into details. Neutral responses to the question “why?” will suffice:
“I already have other plans”
“I want to spend the holidays differently this year”
Offer an Alternative
To reduce feelings of guilt, you can suggest other forms of communication:
- “Let’s arrange to meet for coffee in the new year”
- “I’ll call during the holidays and wish you all the best”
This way, you maintain a connection with your loved ones while also protecting your boundaries.
Clarity and Kindness
When talking to relatives, it’s important to be confident but kind:
“I understand that it might be unpleasant that I won’t be coming, but this is the best option for me. Thank you for understanding.”
The main thing is clarity and kindness, without unnecessary explanations if they are stressful.
Honesty in Safe Relationships
If there are relatives with whom you feel supported, you can share a bit about the reasons for your decision to gain understanding. It’s not necessary to reveal everything: self-care is more important than “obligations to family.”
Self-Care
If you are not participating in the traditional family gathering, create your own holiday rituals:
- celebrating with friends
- a home photo shoot or workshop
- watching favorite movies
- cooking something delicious for yourself
Such actions will help fill the holiday with joy and emotional comfort.
Holidays do not necessarily mean “all together under the tree.” They can be about warmth, joy, and self-care, even if you are spending them alone.
