At the beginning of a relationship, feelings and sex are always bright and exciting, but over time, intimacy may seem boring. Having the same person by your side, the same environment, or the unwillingness to repeatedly make an impression — the reasons for this are different. In this material, we discuss what to do if sex with your partner has become boring.
Talk Openly About It with Your Partner
You shouldn't just bring a new sex toy into the bedroom, even if it seems like it will 100% help diversify your sex life. Or hint to your partner that intimacy feels boring to you. The best thing you can do in this situation is to honestly, openly, and tactfully talk to them about what concerns you.
Family relationship specialist Neha Prabhu recommends starting the conversation at a neutral time, such as when you are cooking dinner with your partner or taking a walk alone in the park. Start with what you like about sex and what you would like to add to make it more varied. Make sure your words do not sound like an accusation against your partner or a complaint about their performance in bed.
It is also important to note that a big mistake is starting the conversation about intimacy with the words "We need to talk" and initiating it before or after sex. Such an approach creates emotional tension and leads to arguments and resentments rather than improving the relationship.
Be the Initiator of Spontaneous Sex
Sex can seem monotonous because it happens like clockwork and one partner is always the initiator. To combat boredom in your intimate life, you should become the instigator of spontaneous sex.
Give your partner a massage that smoothly transitions into intimacy, suggest trying something new, and talk about your desires and fantasies. You should also learn to create a sexual mood.
Flirt More with Your Partner in Person and Over the Phone
Flirting is a way to express your genuine feelings and let your partner know that you like them, as well as hint at a desire for intimacy. Therefore, you should engage in such behavior more often, both in person and over the phone. You can learn how to flirt from this material.
Spend More Time on Foreplay
Sometimes, couples who have been together for a long time find that foreplay almost completely disappears from their sex life or becomes very monotonous. This can make it difficult to get in the right mood and feel the level of arousal needed to reach orgasm.
To make intimacy varied and pleasurable, spend more time on foreplay. For ideas on how to make foreplay enjoyable and special, read here.
Spend Time Outside the Home
Not only can sex, but relationships in general can seem boring when life drags on in a habitual and monotonous way. To prevent it from turning into a Groundhog Day, it is important to find interesting activities to do together with your partner. This helps not only to learn something new about each other but also to feel a special closeness or romantic interest.
Watch a horror movie or ride a high amusement park ride, discover a new restaurant or drive around the city at night — time spent together outside the home creates closeness in the relationship and sets the mood for romance.
Fill Out a "Yes/No/Maybe" List
Not everyone finds it easy to openly talk to their partner about their fantasies and suggestions regarding sex. Shyness, fear of judgment, or awkwardness can hinder this. To overcome them, suggest that your partner fill out a "Yes/No/Maybe" list. It should include: different types of sex, use of sex toys, preferred role-playing games, places considered for intimacy, and other intimate aspects.
Have your partner create a similar list. Exchange them and then discuss the results. This will help better understand each other's habits and preferences, as well as see points of intersection to diversify your sex life.
Address Emotional Issues
Boredom can arise not only from practicing the same positions in sex or having it too infrequently. Sometimes, the emotional state of the partners makes it unvaried.
It is unlikely that you will want to try something new or pay maximum attention to a person you are upset with, irritated by, or disappointed in. Therefore, before suggesting changes to your sex life and combating the feeling of boredom, it is worth addressing emotional issues.
It is worth noting that problems in sex often stem from an inability to express feelings and emotions, resolve conflicts properly, and set life priorities. Some of these situations can be dealt with independently, but if that is not possible, do not hesitate to consult a professional.
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