When we get married or simply enter into a relationship for the first time, a man seems almost like a demigod in human form. And we believe that this euphoria will last until the golden wedding, but not so fast. One fine morning, you wake up to the sound of his feet slapping against the bare floor or loud sniffling in the bathroom and... you involuntarily shudder.
And then it gets worse. Once beloved husband suddenly starts to annoy you with every little thing. There’s no intimacy here. You have to think about how to endure at least the shared living space with him. Psychologist Veronika Akhmetova explained in a conversation with WomanHit whether it makes sense to stay in such a relationship or if it’s better to leave and breathe easy.
Is It About the Husband?
"First of all, you need to understand what exactly is annoying you: your husband or are you generally irritated, is the whole world getting on your nerves? That is, is it situational irritation or chronic. Secondly, what was the last straw: unwashed dishes or dirty socks — that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The problem may lie in a lack of attention, support, or your overwhelming load," says the expert.
It’s not worth making hasty decisions and filing for divorce. First, let’s analyze the situation within ourselves. It’s necessary to regain your resources, to recover. If you feel empty or burnt out inside, you simply won’t be able to give your loved ones a drop of love. The irritation will grow like a snowball. And then the outcome will be sad. "Set aside 30 minutes a day just for yourself. A cup of coffee, a bath, a walk, a hobby, and so on," advises the psychologist.
Without Accusations, But With Respect
Talk about your feelings, not about his behavior. This is the golden rule of communication. Instead of saying, "stop clicking that stupid pen," tell him, "I’m very tired today, I feel very tense, so any repetitive sounds really get on my nerves."
Introduce a stop-word rule. When you feel that emotions are boiling and you’re about to snap, agree to use a code word, anything that can stop you. It will mean "let’s take a break and continue the conversation later." To prevent the boat from crashing against everyday life
Create new experiences. Routine kills any relationship and passion, so go to the theater, sign up for dance classes, cook together, do anything that brings you together and allows you to experience new emotions. A long-known person will reveal themselves to you in new colors. Learn to ask, not demand. Men often don’t realize seemingly elementary things. Agree, ask for help, rather than accuse or play the silent treatment.
It’s a Lost Cause
If you have tried all of the above or even don’t want to approach your partner with requests and heartfelt conversations, it’s time to sound the alarm. "When irritation turns into constant contempt, coldness, you don’t talk for days, you live in different rooms, and there’s disrespect, shouting, insults in your relationship, and you realize you can’t break this cycle on your own, then you need a therapist and professional help," concludes Veronika.
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