Nowadays, it is increasingly common to hear from couples that they are in open relationships. At first glance, it sounds modern, progressive, and free. But behind the beautiful facade may lie not freedom, but pressure, manipulation, and an attempt to maintain the relationship at any cost. We explore the topic together with psychologist Evgenia Alexandrovna.
Why Do Women Agree?
In fact, women agree to such relationships not because they genuinely want to. They fear losing the man. They believe that by agreeing to his terms, they are showing wisdom, flexibility, and awareness. That it is supposedly a level of maturity. That being jealous is shameful, and being "special" means allowing him to do what others do not permit.
In reality, behind this agreement lies not strength, but pain. A deep insecurity, a fear of being abandoned, a belief that love must be earned and proven. A woman wants to show that she is not like everyone else. But the more she agrees to "endure," the more she loses herself.
A woman naturally seeks emotional closeness, feelings, and connection on a deep level. When she is forced to share a man, a war begins within her: between the desire to maintain the union and the feeling of her own humiliation.
What Happens to Personal Boundaries?
The longer a woman remains in such relationships, the more her boundaries blur. She begins to doubt herself, her feelings, and her right to fidelity. At some point, she is led to believe that being jealous is a sign of weakness, that fidelity is outdated, and that true love means letting go. It sounds beautiful, but in reality, it is a substitution of concepts.
Open relationships often become a form of control. Yes, not freedom, but control. In such a system, the man does not compromise, does not take into account the values and desires of his partner. He simply insists that the woman change her views—for him, for his comfort. It is convenient for him to have a "comfortable" woman nearby who demands nothing.
And this is not about growth. It is about convenience.
Why Does a Man Propose Such a Format?
The biggest deception: the idea that open relationships are supposedly about awareness. But, to be honest, most men who propose such a format do not strive for spiritual growth at all. They simply want to legalize intimacy with other women without feeling guilty.
It is convenient for them. They do not want to lose the "main" woman, with whom they have domesticity, support, and reliability. But they are also not ready to give up new experiences. This is not about developing the relationship; it is about consumerism.
A man who is capable of mature love, of true feelings and partnership, will never offer his woman such a format. Because he understands how much it hurts, how much it destroys self-esteem and trust. He cherishes the relationship, rather than testing it for strength with other bodies.
What Should a Woman Do?
If a man expresses a desire to transition to open relationships, it is a warning signal. At that moment, it is important not to prove your worth, not to try to "hold on" to him by agreeing to something painful. Do not argue, do not take offense, do not go silent.
You need to calmly take a pause. Step back. Give yourself space and time to ask yourself the main question: what do I need? Do I want such a relationship? Am I ready to "swallow" my dignity time and again?
Do not settle for less than true love. Being in a relationship does not mean being "one of many." Even if he swears his love but offers you to share him with others—this is not love. This is selfishness, seasoned with philosophy.
Samantha from "Sex and the City" could afford such a format because she wanted it and managed it. But it was her personal, conscious choice. In real life, there are no women like Samantha. A woman will not be able to "handle" open relationships without internal pain and destruction. No matter how strong, aware, and modern she is, she will still sooner or later face feelings of loneliness, jealousy, and devaluation.
If you agree out of fear, it is not a choice, but a capitulation.
