The trend of late childbirth has now become an absolute norm. Women are getting pregnant after 40 and even after 50, giving birth to completely healthy children. Many are first-time mothers. And almost all claim that becoming a mother at an older age was the best decision, yet they remain silent about the difficulties and possible downsides. And it’s not just chronic sleep deprivation, which is much harder for forty-year-olds to endure than for the young.
Psychologist Veronika Akhmetova listed possible downsides of late motherhood that are better to consider upfront to avoid tearing your hair out later.
Grandma Mom
The first challenge for those who decide to give birth after 40 is more social in nature. A woman must be prepared for the fact that she will occasionally be called a “grandma.” “In principle, more and more women are giving birth after 35, so, in fact, children may feel embarrassed by their older parents,” warns the expert.
The Clock is No Longer Ticking
The second factor is the psychological pressure from society, stereotypes, and the conventionally appropriate age for having children. “People still say that it’s too late for you, that the time has passed, and this is all discussed and circulated in society,” explains Akhmetova. Therefore, if you are planning a pregnancy or are already pregnant, it is better not to discuss this topic with outsiders at all.
Caught Between Old and Young
“The next nuance is that you may find yourself in a difficult position between your aging parents and a small child, as you need to take care of both. This requires significant physical and emotional resources,” says the psychologist.
Sleep Deprivation, Fragile Health, and More
Chronic illnesses and back problems may resurface. Plus, losing weight after childbirth doesn’t happen as quickly as it does in youth. Adding sleepless nights and the feeding schedule of a baby means you need to be prepared for a radical restructuring of all areas of life. You will have to find a balance between work, personal interests, and motherhood. This is no easy task, requiring strong flexibility and is quite energy-consuming.
Threat to the Child's Mental Health
This is not about the mother’s appearance, which may differ from that of peers, but about overprotection. A late child is usually very desired. There is a tendency to protect them from everything, to blow away the dust. “They become a super value. The mother begins to overprotect. Accordingly, there are consequences that manifest in total control, limiting the child's independence, and the mother simply becomes very anxious, hyper-anxious, I would say,” continues the expert.
Generation Gap
Having a child at 40 means being prepared for the fact that by the time the child reaches adolescence, a chasm will form between you. It will be harder for you to understand the child’s interests, music, and the mindset of the new generation. This will all require additional effort to maintain closeness and some mutual understanding.
Veronika Akhmetova also reminded about the risk of raising a late child in an incomplete family. Many mature women, accomplished and self-sufficient, do not need a partner. They are confident that they can raise their child without a man. On one hand, this is commendable, but on the other hand, paternal upbringing is necessary for a child's full development. A woman alone cannot instill many qualities in the child, even if she tries her best to fulfill the roles of both mother and father.
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