We are used to joking that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but in matters of sexuality, this comparison is closer to the truth than it seems. Men and women indeed perceive the intimate sphere differently — not only emotionally but also physiologically. These differences often lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and resentments.
Expert: Sergey Lvovsky, Master of Psychology, Clinical Psychologist, Sexologist, Certified Business Trainer
Different Priorities
Sex is an important part of relationships; however, its significance for men and women is not the same. A survey conducted in 2008 in the USA revealed an interesting trend: when asked “What would you prefer — a successful clothing purchase or amazing sex?” 46% of women chose shopping, while only 41% chose sex. Among men, the picture is the opposite: 76% chose sex and only 14% chose shopping.
Men: Instinct and Biology
To understand the differences, one must look into the workings of the brain. In men, the centers responsible for sexual arousal are linked to the same areas that regulate hunger, sleep, and other basic needs. Thus, sex is perceived by the body as a physiological necessity.
“If a predator attacks a man during orgasm, he will run away while orgasming,” jokes the psychologist.
Evolutionarily, this is justified: a man's task is to pass on his genes to as many offspring as possible. Therefore, his sexual motivation is deeply embedded and operates almost automatically.
Research shows that men approach casual sex significantly more easily. An analysis of 177 scientific studies with a sample of over 130,000 people confirmed that men are “moderately tolerant” of fleeting connections, while women are “moderately conservative.”
Women: Emotions, Reason, and Trust
For women, the mechanism of arousal is much more complex. There is a concept of sexual dimorphism — biological differences between sexes. Although these are less pronounced in humans, it is the brain and emotional sphere that play a key role.
A woman essentially chooses a partner not with her body, but with her mind. It is important for her that the man possesses “good genes” — physically, intellectually, and socially. Therefore, intimacy for her often becomes not an end in itself, but a way to strengthen emotional connection.
Russian psychologist Vladimir Ilyin wrote in his book “Differential Psychophysiology of Men and Women”:
“The wedding night for a woman is a life-changing event. For a man, the first sexual act often does not hold such strong significance.”
A woman needs to feel safety, trust, and respect. She perceives sex as a continuation of emotional contact. This is why many factors influence female arousal: mood, atmosphere, partner's attitude, and the feeling of one's own attractiveness.
The Key to Harmony — Attention
Can these differences be overcome? Yes. The solution lies not in effort, but in awareness. A man should remember: a woman must be a subject, not an object of desire. Sex is a dialogue in which both participants are important.
“It is necessary to allow a woman to enjoy herself the way she wants. She must be an active participant, feeling that her desires and emotions are heard.”
When partners understand the nature of differences and respect it, sexual intimacy becomes not a cause for resentment, but a source of trust, joy, and true closeness.
Source: mentoday
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