A Dangerous Habit or a Way to Connect: Why Do We Love to Gossip? 0 9

It turns out that discussions can help form an image of a little-known person in order to build communication with them later. For example, if you hear that someone in the group often lies and their deceit has been confirmed more than once, you will subconsciously be more cautious with them. It is also believed that rumors help identify the leader of the community and the most 'weak', follower participant. In simple terms, they contribute to cultural learning – continuous internal development that helps quickly adapt to changes and unforeseen circumstances.

Surprisingly, gossip can protect us, warning us of potential threats. For example, we learn which places to avoid, new fraudulent schemes, and other important facts. Additionally, rumors can transform our habits. As they circulate, they return to the source in an inverted format, indicating what we dislike about the other party in the dialogue.

Psychologists have also found that people who enjoy gossiping experience a rapid improvement in the functions of the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This area is responsible for planning, decision-making, self-control, attention, and logic. A constant increase in these qualities allows one to easily navigate complex social behaviors – understanding the reasons and motives behind a person's actions.

But are gossip and rumors really as beneficial as experts believe, or are there more downsides than upsides? We asked psychologist Irina Rabetskaya. She explained why people love to discuss others and whether we should rid ourselves of this habit.

Why Do We Gossip?

People gossip for many reasons. It is part of our nature and behavior. Generally, gossip helps to bring people closer together. When we share news about someone, it seems that we trust each other. This is the foundation of strong relationships.

Moreover, gossip provides an opportunity to release emotions. If we are angry or envious of someone, talking about it helps us relax and feel better. Through gossip, we feel our importance, for example, by sharing new knowledge. When you are aware of exclusive events, it seems that you are cooler and smarter than others. And of course, gossip is simply interesting, like a movie. It is fascinating to listen to other people's stories.

Is Gossiping Good or Bad?

Let's start with the positive aspects of the habit of gossiping. Discussing recent events helps to establish friendly connections, reduces stress, reveals people from different sides, teaches decisiveness, relaxes, and makes life more enjoyable. In ancient times, it even helped people survive. This idea was first proposed by evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar. He compared conversations to conventional courtship. It turns out that discussing others or passing on important information is the best way to endear oneself to someone. Rumors served not only an entertaining function but also allowed people to learn about the approach of predators, the location of berries, and the whereabouts of safe places. They also contributed to the formation of strong social groups.

Gossip can also be used for educational purposes. Gaining valuable information helps navigate a complex social environment, learn unwritten rules, and establish norms of behavior in social groups.

Unfortunately, there are also negative aspects of gossip. It can lead to the destruction of reputations, quarrels, grievances, bullying, loss of friends, problems at work, or even lawsuits for defamation. The spread of rumors, particularly false unverified facts, undermines trust in the interlocutor.

Should We Get Rid of the Habit of Gossiping?

It is difficult to completely stop because it is part of human nature. However, it all depends on your desire. It is not necessary to completely refrain from discussing other people or high-profile events. The main thing is to do so without fanaticism and obvious aggression towards the subjects of the discussions.

Indeed, there are several rules for eco-friendly gossiping. Try to speak only the truth, do not make up facts. It is better to share information about yourself or praise others (if possible). If gossiping interferes, you should talk to a psychologist. It is important to find a balance so as not to harm anyone.

How to Stop Gossiping Now?

If you feel anxious when gossiping or hearing rumors from those around you, a psychologist can help you sort through your feelings. Their goal is to help you understand that you are not to blame. Gossip does not always have to be associated with something bad, but it can be a harmful habit. Here are some tips from specialists that can help you detach from it:

• Learn to separate negative gossip from all other gossip. If you feel that a person is asserting themselves at the expense of others or realize that what you heard could ruin someone's reputation, make a remark or stay silent, but do not get involved in the discussion process.

• Ask yourself: what is the point of passing on the information you heard? It is important to understand whether you will feel better if you continue to develop the story.

• Analyze your behavior: what problems lie behind the desire to gossip? Find out if you envy the subject of the gossip, if the information you heard bothers you, or if you would like to have such notoriety in circles close (or not so close) to them.

• After identifying the problem, take steps to resolve it. The first option: talk directly to the subject of the gossip if there is an unresolved conflict between you. The second: eliminate the subject of the gossip from your life and, when you feel the urge to discuss someone, recall good facts from your own life.

• Set time limits. Start small. Gossip for 5-10 minutes a day to distract yourself from heavy tasks or negative thoughts. It is important: do not spend the allotted time on several people; dedicate the minutes to a specific subject.

If you have stopped gossiping, but you are still drawn into discussions, be firm. Let the interlocutor know that you are not interested in discussing other people behind their backs. Here’s how to do it without a serious quarrel with friends or colleagues:

• Talk to the gossipers in person. Discuss the reason for such behavior with each one privately. Convey to them that they may be passing on unverified information and thereby harming the subject of the gossip.

• Change the subject of conversation. If you cannot agree amicably, cut off any attempt to gossip. For example, say: “I don’t want to discuss this person negatively; let’s talk about something more interesting”; “I feel uncomfortable talking about them.” This is not rudeness – it is a defense of personal boundaries.

• Go on the offensive. Ask directly: “Why do you talk so much about this person?”

• Exit the dialogue. If you cannot change the subject, say that you have urgent matters to attend to and leave the person alone with their thoughts.

• If things are really bad – change your environment, for example, quit your job, move to another space, and definitely avoid meetings with gossip enthusiasts. But remember, you are not to blame for the gossiping of those around you. It is part of human nature to exchange momentary information.