The psychologist explained why February 14 often distances partners instead of bringing them closer.
American psychologist Mark Travers identified four exhausting rituals to avoid this Valentine's Day, February 14, 2026.
"Valentine's Day is often presented as a celebration of intimacy and love, but most of us know that in practice it often has the opposite effect. When February 14 arrives, the pressure mounts: it can feel like you’re not experiencing intimacy but merely performing it," he noted in his article for Forbes.
Here are the four common Valentine's Day habits that, in his opinion, often undermine intimacy:
Forced Gestures Instead of Presence
Demonstrative declarations of love are often made for social media. They may please that part of the brain that equates effort with love. But from a psychological standpoint, this is a weak substitute for what truly creates connection. This year, if you want to feel greater intimacy, abandon the emotional performance and invest in genuine attention.
Gift Baskets
One subtle way this day creates distance is by turning relationships into objects of evaluation. Instead of testing love on Valentine's Day, it’s better to view it as a shared experience—allowing it to be imperfect, even a little awkward. Intimacy deepens where there is emotional safety, not evaluation.
Attempts to Be Unendingly Grateful
"If someone tried, you should be grateful. If you’re disappointed—better to hide it. After all, they tried." This is a common cultural script that often works against relationships. While gratitude in relationships is beneficial and desirable, performative gratitude is not. Connection strengthens when both positive and negative feelings can be expressed and still be accepted. By hiding your true reaction to spare your partner discomfort, you miss the chance for real closeness.
'Prescriptive' Romance
Following a romantic script isn’t inherently bad. But when romance becomes overly prescriptive, mutual curiosity fades from the relationship—there simply isn’t room for novelty. Scripted romance often runs on autopilot. You know what you’re supposed to say, how the evening will unfold, and even how it will end. Such predictability may seem safe, but it can evoke a strange sense of loneliness—because nothing new is being revealed.
