When you first realize that you like someone special, you may feel a slight tingling, shiver, or "butterflies in your stomach." This is not just a metaphor—science confirms: there are indeed physiological and neurochemical processes that trigger such a feeling. But what exactly is happening, and how do you understand this signal? Let’s figure it out together.
What Triggers 'Butterflies in the Stomach'?
Attraction, Anticipation, and Nervousness
Your internal and external stimuli can trigger a chain of physiological reactions. For example: you arrange a first date, unexpectedly receive a compliment, or your potential partner's gaze meets yours. According to clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, this "anticipation and slight anxiety"—both can provoke sensations in the stomach.
Neurotransmitters and Hormones
Norepinephrine (noradrenaline) is both a hormone and a neurotransmitter: during falling in love, it can activate the same systems as fear or excitement, according to analysis.
Dopamine is the "pleasure hormone": it enhances motivation, desire, and the feeling of reward. When you spend time with someone you like, dopamine is indeed released.
The brain-gut connection (enteric nervous system, ENS)—your gastrointestinal tract has its own nervous system (the so-called "second brain") and receives signals from the central nervous system. When the brain activates the adrenaline/norepinephrine trigger mechanism, part of the effect is reflected in the gut—hence the feeling of "butterflies".
Long-term attachment hormones—such as oxytocin and vasopressin: while the effect of "butterflies" relates more to the early stages of falling in love, attachment and safety hormones come into play later.
Why Does the 'Stomach React'?
Hyperactivation of the sympathetic nervous system (part of the "fight-or-flight") during falling in love leads to a redistribution of blood flow, increased heart rate, and changes in stomach motility. In conjunction with the brain-gut connection, this gives the feeling of "wings in the stomach".
What Does This Mean for Your Relationship?
The emergence of such sensations in the early phase of a relationship is often interpreted as a sign of strong attraction and excitement. For example, an increase in norepinephrine may indicate that the body is in a heightened state of alertness to a new person. Psychologists note that such sensations can become the "ground" for positive memories that will help the couple during more routine moments.
Should you worry if there are no 'butterflies'? No—the absence of vivid physiological 'butterflies' does not mean that something is wrong. All people are different. Some "fall in love" smoothly, without ups and downs, and for them, the absence of a jolt of physiology is not a warning sign.
As relationships develop, those initial strong emotional and physiological surges often fade. In their place, other sensations arise: comfort, trust, safety. This is natural and does not necessarily indicate a decrease in the quality of the relationship.
How to Understand Your Feelings: Recommendations from Experts
Listen to Your Sensations, but do not make them a verdict. The feeling of "butterflies" is a signal, but not a guarantee of "ideal" love or longevity. Its absence does not weaken the relationship.
Notice Moments of Excitement and Thrill. If you feel a slight thrill or physiological jolt again—this may be a reason to remind yourself: "I feel attraction, this is important." These moments can become a resource for the couple, especially when daily life becomes routine.
Don’t Just Seek Emotional Highs. If you are "hunting" only for the feeling of butterflies, you risk a constant chase for novelty. It’s better to add regular moments of freshness: an unexpected gesture, a date outside of routine, sharing emotional experiences.
Switch to Attachment Hormones. The stage dominated by attachment hormones (oxytocin, vasopressin) requires different actions: trust, regular emotional contact, shared rituals—they strengthen the foundation.
Work with Fluctuations and Anxiety. Since the early phase of falling in love is associated with increased cortisol (the stress hormone) and anxiety, it’s important to use stress management techniques: breathing, mindfulness, talking about feelings. This helps avoid getting stuck in anxiety and masking it as "romance".
Pay Attention to Body Signals. If the feeling of "butterflies" is accompanied by pronounced anxiety, physical discomfort, or sleep/appetite disturbances, it’s worth investigating: it may not only be infatuation but also anxiety or other influences.
Maintain Emotional Openness. Share your sensations (physiology, emotions) with your partner, even if they are not "classic". This creates an atmosphere of transparency and mutual understanding—a crucial step from the "just in love" phase to the "partnership" phase.
Why It’s Important Not to Ignore Physiology, but Also Not to Be Completely Subservient to It
The physiology of love is a real basis on which sensations are built. For example, the analysis presented in the article "The Neuroendocrinology of Love" shows: romantic love is not only an emotion but also a system of neurotransmitters and hormones activated in the brain.
However, relationships built solely on the mechanics of "I feel → means → should be" rarely become stable. Attachment, respect, understanding of the partner, and self-work—these are what keep the connection over the long distance.
Conclusion
The feeling of "butterflies in the stomach" is a real physical phenomenon reflecting the activation of the arousal system, neurotransmitters, and the brain-gut interaction. It can signal that you are on the right path to emotional closeness. But it is not the only indicator that your relationship is "good" or "unnecessary".
If you are currently on the brink of new relationships or reassessing existing ones, be attentive to your feelings, but use them as information rather than a verdict. And remember: even when the "butterflies" fly away, relationships can deepen—and this can be much more valuable than wow effects.
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