How to Establish Any Conversation and Avoid Misunderstanding in Just 6 Minutes 0 10

What is the 3–2–1 Technique

This is a method that helps establish communication through three key components: speaking openly, listening actively, and reflecting what the interlocutor has said. The technique consists of three steps, each allocated a specific amount of time, and one such cycle takes only six minutes.

Step One

Set a timer for 3 minutes. During this time, one person will express their point of view while the other listens silently.

The speaker should try to do this sincerely and wholeheartedly. When the time is up, they should conclude their thoughts in a few words without taking extra minutes. Of course, we always have something to say. But this is where the effectiveness of this technique lies — knowing when to stop. Because then the interlocutor has the opportunity to fully hear and contemplate a few statements rather than an endless monologue. Meanwhile, the listener should also show sincerity and engagement, rather than thinking of arguments to win the debate.

To start, it’s best to practice several times with everyday and neutral topics — and only then move on to explosive ones. It’s hard to learn and try something new when discussing issues that are difficult to talk about in general. You can also practice with someone who irritates you less than the person with whom you need to discuss a challenging topic.

Step Two

Set the timer again, this time for 2 minutes. During this time, the listener should recount what they heard. They can repeat the phrases of the speaker or express everything in their own words, but they should not interpret what they heard or make sharp judgments. For example:

"You said that you don’t care where we go for dinner, but I know that’s not true" — this is an interpretation. "I heard you say that you don’t care where we go for dinner" — this is a recount. It’s also important to avoid emotional reactions like "How dare you!", "I knew you would say that", "It wasn’t like that at all", or "You sound just like your mother".

Step Three

Set the timer again, this time for just 1 minute. During this time, the person who spoke first should respond to the one who listened and "reflected" what they heard. It’s better not to start discussing a new topic but to focus on the original one. For example:

• "Thank you for listening and really hearing me."

• "You understood a lot correctly, but you missed a few things."

• "I’m not sure you fully understood me; let me repeat the key point once more."

After all three steps are completed, the interlocutors should switch roles. Now the listener will be the first to express their point of view, and the speaker will listen and recount.

At first, it’s best to limit each participant in the dialogue to just one round of three steps. Over time, if you enjoy this technique and practice it — you can repeat several cycles in a row.

It’s possible that you and your interlocutors will not immediately succeed in having conversations without interrupting, interpreting others’ words in your own way, reacting emotionally, and arguing. But if you can, try not to dwell on failures, and appreciate the moments when you hear and understand each other.

What is the Benefit of the 3–2–1 Technique

The goal of this method is not to find a quick solution to a complex conflict, reach a consensus, or ease the tension. The main thing that can be achieved in six minutes is to feel that you have been heard and to demonstrate yourself as a thoughtful listener.

Very often during conversations, we are not attentive enough to each other. Wanting to be heard, we simply repeat our words, raise our voices, or even resort to rudeness. Because of this, it becomes even harder for the interlocutor to understand our point of view. The 3–2–1 technique allows for constructive dialogues and more effective conflict resolution because we not only express ourselves but also actively listen to other opinions.